What is it about MMOs that makes some people so screwed up?

[Omgwtfbbqkitten]

This isn't really a FFXI-specific topic so I'm posting it here since i'm sure we all have seen instances of this kind of strangeness in MMOs.

I've met a few people over the course of various MMOs that, for whatever reason, are willing to destroy both in-game and real life relationships to move ahead in the games or hook up with people they met in-game, ditching their RL significant other.

I actually quit EQ over the scenario I've just seen repeated in FFXI, but only because the players in question were really good friends, I'd say there's only one friend in this scenario that occurred recently

There used to be this couple in my social LS, the husband was actually a pretty cool guy. The wife was a major whiner and, while I thought she was going through some innocent misunderstandings at first, it seems she was very much looking for other men to shack up with through the game. She recently left her husband for a man she has yet to meet in real-life, but also plays FFXI. Maybe there was something on the RL side, but after looking back and seeing how he put her on a pedestal most of the time, I have my doubts.

This new guy and her both applied to my former HNMLS. I had my disagreements with the LS and left for my own reasons, but I still respect them on the whole. They have CORs that still come to me for pointers, so most of us are still friends.

There were other issues I had with this player. She had actually been accepted into this LS before and she dropped the pearl on her first trial day because... she wasn't invited to the main alliance. Weak.

I had let her join a Windy Mission static in our social LS before that, but she did nothing but drag us down. In the times we had agree to solo pre-requisite stuff, she leveled her NIN instead and forced three hours of waiting for the final BCNM, which we finally had to cancel because she was catching up late and people had work early.

And, of course, after we all logged, she and some others choose to finish without us though we had all agreed to do it the next evening. Now she did come to help the following evening, but she did not listen to my instructions (I had completed rank 10 on Foobar) and my 61 RNG was out-damaging her 75 DRG. I don't consider that helping. We wiped three times before we got a win. She blamed me and the RDM for being lower level... which makes no since because i out-damaged her.

And so she and her NIN buddy finally do things my way (The RDM Gravity kite after Ajido picks his target mob). Surprise, surprise we win. Seems we didn't need "all 75s" after all. I got the killshots and RDM kited perfectly. Seems us low levels pulled off the win there.

But we had an extra member outside of the BCNM who still needed the win. Everyone except her and NIN were willing to make another run just of her. This WHM had R3ed us all and made a huge contribution to getting these missions done.

The DRG claimed she had died too much (3 deaths/3 Raise III = roughly 1.5k EXP loss, boo-hoo). We were left undermanned and forced to quit. I felt awful. I had worked hard to get everyone there, I had appointed tasks to various member to help like our low-ranks feel like they were a big part of this and they performed their tasks admirably. This DRG was just along for the ride, I guess.

I made sure to get the point across to my old HNMLs that this person was not a real team-player. But there's also this guy (one of the reasons I left them) trying to make a big case for her admittance. I don't mean to slight HNMs, but I don't really view assisting with endgame achievements as genuine help from others. You're getting points, I'm getting points. If there were no points, there would be nobody at events. I don't file it under genuine help.

But it wasn't so much this dude's accolades for her as it was something he said about himself (I fell out of my chair laughing after I read it).

"Inviting me to your LS was the best decision you ever made."

Wow, talk about self-absorbed. I don't think anyone else could have made such a stupid and arrogant statement. This guy, not even a sackholder of this shell, think he IS the linkshell soul or something.

What is it that snaps in people's brains that makes them so deceitful, uncooperative and self-absorbed. I'll admit I'm pretty bold and very elitist, but I see people as people in this game. I don't see people as tools or someone that can just be cast aside after I achieve a goal. The friends I make I consider just as much a friend as the ones I have in real life, I'm even meeting some of these people from my LS in RL now because we're such great friends to each other.

I even had an argument with a friend recently. There were some problems going on in their life and it lead them to become withdrawn from the LS shortly after we got her Diabolos. It was very easy to take that the wrong way and we did go off on her in regards to that. But when I realized how far I had taken it and what a great friend she had been before that, I had to apologize. We talked it out, explained what as going on behind the scenes and all that. And later she came back and apologized to our leader, explaining what happening. We're all good friends again now, building each other up and setting plans for our new goals once more.

I just don't get some people in this game. I guess games, to an extent, do have psychological aspects that some people aren't mentally built or raised to handle. They should never really become an escape, but something you enjoy and also share with friends. Game are and can be a very positive social activity.

And yet I know people who's sole motivation to get out from under their parents roof was... to keep playing an MMORPG. W...T...F. I'd think just the independence alone would be the reason.

Starting to think you should have to fill out a psychological profile before being allowed to subscribe to these games. The disclaimer prompt SE puts in each log-in is really not enough sometimes

[Murphie]

Re: What is it about MMOs that makes some people so screwed up?

A long time ago, pre-FFXI in NA, there was this group of folks I knew who all posted at a small gaming forum. When FFXI launched, most of us bought it, and while only a few of us stuck with it, there were good times had by all for a while there.

Anyway, of that group, two young folks formed a budding relationship that eventually led to pissing off the RL boyfriend of the girl, and causing him to quit the game. Eventually said girl moved three states away to live with her online (and suddenly RL) boyfriend. For a while this was fine, and we all muddled through, since they weren’t the type to be overly demonstrative in their love (Hun, Baby, Sweetheart, or other more nauseating behavior). However, as we all expected, she eventually formed a new online romance, and they broke up, thus shattering both our static party, and our linkshell, as folks scrambled to choose sides, or remove themselves altogether.

I fell into the latter group, having decided to take a break from FFXI rather than engage in a bunch of silliness. I moved on to other MMOs for several months, but kept in touch with folks via the common forum that we had all come from in the first place. Eventually my nostalgia for FFXI kicked in, and I returned to the game, determined to have a fresh start. I found that of my old friends, only that former couple were still playing (and really, the guy had only just returned as I had). I was happy to rekindle my friendship with him, as he was a very competent player, and we had a lot in common anyway, but she, while not averse to the occasional /tell, wanted nothing to do with me, presumably because I knew what a ridiculous person she could be, and she didn’t want that getting out.

Anyway, I’m not even sure where I’m going with this. She never changed her ways, and the rest of us who had made the mistake of considering her a friend learned our lesson quite thoroughly. Since then I have been incredibly wary of any online romance amongst my friends, as I have noticed that while the details may change, the results are often the same as what I had experienced, regardless of the participants.

I’d speak up about my most recent brush with this phenomenon, but it’s pretty much just the same sort of story all over again. Someone hooks up with someone else, suddenly receives favor and eventually causes problems for everyone else.

Tale as old as time. Or at least as old as the internets.

As for why they do it? I don't know. I'm sure it has something to with that strange allure of anonymity over the internet. But beyond that, it could any number of things. Perhaps it has something to do with a lack of satisfaction with the level of affection they receive from those around them, or maybe they just like attention, or maybe they just enjoy messing with people’s heads, and are only playing the part (thus never getting emotionally involved). I really can’t say.

[Aksannyi]

Re: What is it about MMOs that makes some people so screwed up?

One of my really good friend left the game for good because of an in-game relationship gone bad.

[Clever Ninja]

Re: What is it about MMOs that makes some people so screwed up?

This is the main reason why I never agreed with online relationships, and never bothered with Second Life like many of my friends have. While I could understand making friends, I'll never comprehend how you can get romantically involved with someoen unless you've known each other for A LONG TIME. So many lives get affected by this because these people can't keep it out of the game, so its basically made public and affects everyone.

[ItazuraNhomango]

Re: What is it about MMOs that makes some people so screwed up?

Don't really know the details, but there is this RL husband-wife pair, who each have in-game romances with others. Don't know the husband, but at least the wife seems like a happy, well adjusted person. (Nice person, honestly.) They are still married IRL, to my knowledge.

I guess I'm happy they are(?) happy, and it really does me no harm personally. Still, it seems kinda screwed up, whenever I do think about it (which isn't very often). Guess it just means I'm one of those stick-in-the-mud social conservative or something worse.

Maybe I'm the "screwed up" one for finding the situation uncomfortable when I'm not even involved? >_>;

[Omgwtfbbqkitten]

Re: What is it about MMOs that makes some people so screwed up?

I'm not totally against the idea of a romantic relationship forming through a game, but once you've hit that 2nd, 3rd or even 4th in-game relationship I think the person in question really needs to seek some help.

This wasn't the first time I had seen this, actually the third, First time it was in EQ. Dude actually moved in with the girl, moved from Texas to Ontario to be with this chick. Our guildmaster kicked they guy from the guild cuz he had a thing for this girl.

She stayed in the guild. Each night her boyfriend and her would play, but he was isoloated from her in the same room. He'd go out each day and look for a job while she didn't bother to do anything to support herself. It was pathetic.

[Neomage]

Re: What is it about MMOs that makes some people so screwed up?

Alot of people will be asses in every game just to get ahead. Look at any MMO, an RTS with a ranking system(like Age of Empires III for example) or another game where people can see your achivements.

I know one in particular. The funny thing is, not only is he rude and jumps ahead, but he is such a bad player he often screwed himself over in the process... only to do the same thing again.

[Murphie]

Re: What is it about MMOs that makes some people so screwed up?

I guess I'm happy they are(?) happy, and it really does me no harm personally. Still, it seems kinda screwed up, whenever I do think about it (which isn't very often). Guess it just means I'm one of those stick-in-the-mud social conservative or something worst.

Maybe I'm the "screwed up" one for finding the situation uncomfortable when I'm not even involved? >_>;

No, you're not screwed up. That's just weird. I mean, to each their own, I suppose, but I can't help but think that there is something wrong with a relationship like that.

I certainly wouldn't say that you can't find love online, but the chances of it are pretty rare, and if you're working you way through online relationships like you do a box of tissues, the chances are high that you've got some problems.

[Feba]

Re: What is it about MMOs that makes some people so screwed up?

Because people in general are fucked up, and anonimoty makes people show their true selves.

Some online relationships work, some don't. I know at least two couples that play FFXI, but i'm pretty sure both of them met IRL. I really don't see any reason to look down on online relationships, or that people need to be close to each other to love each other, but I agree that people who have online 'romance' (especially the ones that yap about it in LS) are usually just in it for the drama. They like to feel important.

[Jarre]

Re: What is it about MMOs that makes some people so screwed up?

There are a few things to this.

For an obsessive gamer MMO's are like a drug, its never ending, they demand more (content) and they get it, they become obsessive to beat the next thing of which they get a buzz from (i.e. get their next fix)

If you compare a drug adict with an obsessive gamer, the similarities are noticable. Why do you think they have that clinic for obsessive gamers? The fact is MMO's are designed to keep players hooked, and although the companies have a disclaimer about not forgetting your friends and families etc. It is unfortunate that the addictiveness of the games can change your phyche and there have been many breakups, loss of friends etc in RL because the person spends more time on games than with the respective people, its kind of abandoning people for their games.

On line relationships, Oh boy!

The stories I have heard and seen. The first thing is How many of you have told someone who you are and twisted the truth a bit? How many of you try to be someone you are not? You'd be amazed at a recent statistic run by the Daily Mail (UK newspaper) where on interviewing close to 1000 gamers / myspace owners etc. 60% admitted to lying a little about what they do and who they were.

It is because of this that if people like the sound of each other "online" the problem is they can;t see them, see their reactions, be able to read them. Anyone can send a photo of someone to that person and it may not be them. The biggest thing is when these people meet in real life and are disapointed because the person turns out to be not what they thought they would be. The internet is just a mask, like a constant blind date and people take it too seriously which elads to them being emotionally hurt.

[Omgwtfbbqkitten]

Re: What is it about MMOs that makes some people so screwed up?

There are a few things to this.

For an obsessive gamer MMO's are like a drug, its never ending, they demand more (content) and they get it, they become obsessive to beat the next thing of which they get a buzz from (i.e. get their next fix)

If you compare a drug adict with an obsessive gamer, the similarities are noticable. Why do you think they have that clinic for obsessive gamers? The fact is MMO's are designed to keep players hooked, and although the companies have a disclaimer about not forgetting your friends and families etc. It is unfortunate that the addictiveness of the games can change your phyche and there have been many breakups, loss of friends etc in RL because the person spends more time on games than with the respective people, its kind of abandoning people for their games.

I don't really think game designers are thinking "lets make crack addicts," I think they're just as attracted to the idea of creating a persistant online world as players are attracted to being in one. I do think this is a very good genre with lots of positive social and story potential as well as challenge.

But it is clear there is a large potential for addiction to these games, that was the secondary reason I backed away from EQ. Seeing my friend stay in this endgame guild while her boyfriend had been kicked out made me question my interest in playing. I think I was getting a little obsessed with it and she was at a level so far beyond my addiction that it didn't seem healthy of human.

I've never allowed FFXI to have the opportunity to fill a void like EQ. I know that no matter how I progress my character or what widgets I obtain that my image online has no value to the real world aside from other gamers. I think having the satisfaction of an achievement is healthy, but when your only achievments are in regards to obtaining "1337" status in an onlne game, that it isn't healthy at all. You should be growing in many aspects of your life.

I'm always particularly amused with people that cry over the loss of EXP/level. The "loss" of an "achievement." I have died so many times on BST and hemorraged/horded so much EXP on BRD I just can't take these people seriously. That DRG crying over her 1.5k - esepcially in the days of TP burn - was pathetic. It sucks to die as DRG, I know that, but still, shut up.

And I think personal character is something players fail to judge people on. While I do respect my former HNM, I think HNM Linkshells in general have flimsy recruiting standards. Its just "Have X popular job," that's not hard to fufill. There should be a higher standard than that. I could steal, lie and scam people and still get into another HNMLS just because I have a BRD. And they're not even looking at the quality of the player behind the job, just looking for the job.

That's another thing, so many people look at the job and think a job means certain things. BRDs weren't always viewed as pullers. It wasn't unheard of pre-ToA, but now its some defacto-standard. I hate to say it, but if you suck at pulling, you will suck at pulling as a BRD. BRD will not make you a better puller just because you are a BRD. Pulling is a player skill.

And yet, people think otherwise, they think BRDs are defined by pulling. Funny, I thought we were defined by our buffs.

[DR2D2]

Re: What is it about MMOs that makes some people so screwed up?

This is actually a very useful thread for this game. From what I can see, the problem with some people on the game is they feel like every aspect of the game is a big competition(including how many on-line relationships). These same people have gotten so involved in the game that the real world has turned into the game world. These are the same people who skip school or work or drop-out of college just to be able to play the game more.

Reguarding the on-line relationship issue:I view the game in the same way I vew my RL work environment. If I wouldn't say/do it at work, I'm not going to do it in the game. I also have the attitude that no matter how much I like the game I am not going to let it mess up my RL. If it ever came down to choosing the game or my wife, I will always choose my wife.

Remember, as involved as this game is, IT IS STILL A GAME ONLY. IT SHOULD NEVER INTERFER WITH YOUR FAMILY AND RL.



I wont even get into how "messed-up" it is to go for someone u have never even seen before(and in all honosty dont even know if the person is even the same sex as they say). I would rather stay with someone I know and that will always take care of me.

[Effedup]

Re: What is it about MMOs that makes some people so screwed up?

Honestly, I don't know if it's really just MMO's that evince these types of behaviours...it seems like across the board gamer's are getting more and more obsessed. I know I'm a little old compared to the typical gamer demographic; let me put it this way...my first experience with video games was "The Smurfs" for ColecoVision when I was 4 years old; but even in my "prime" gamer days during the SNES era my friends and I weren't nearly as OCD about gaming in general as kids seem to be nowadays.

Where I work, we have a lot of 17 and 18 year olds running registers, and I see them dropping hundreds of dollars a week on games...then 2 days later asking coworkers for spare change because they have no money to buy themselves lunch. I have one friend in particular that is totally obsessed with online FPS's and will get 3 hours of sleep a night because he was up all night "pwning n00bs".
The way I look at it, this obsession with gaming started with the Playstation/N64 generation. Most people I know in my own age bracket seem to understand that a game is just a game; you win some and you lose some, and outside of a few isolated cases, have absolutely no problem turning it off when need be. As relates to FFXI, I static with a group that is all of the same mindset, and it's really interesting to compare the differences between our static and the pick up parties we form from time to time. Within our static, if we're exping and someone says "Last mob for me, I have to get up for work in the morning" there's no bitching or complaining...work comes first. As much fun as FFXI is, I wouldn't expect anyone to sacrifice sleep or other obligations because of ANY game, and it's an unwritten rule in our static that when someone has to go, that's all there is to it.

However, in pick up parties, it's a different animal completely...not all the time thankfully, but every once in a while we'll get into a group that is just royally pissed that I/we have to log. I mean, yeah, we're getting uber exp, but that's still not going to make me blow off a decent night's sleep. Here in the real world being late for work/school because you were gaming all night is not acceptable, and it's amazing how often people are willing to blow off the necessities of life because they are caught up in a game. You know how some people make "swear" jars to try and curb profanity in their house? We had to create WoW jars where I work, because you could not talk to ANYONE without the conversation eventually being led to their raid last night or their uber tier-3 set. Our HR manager actually had to make an announcement that being late due to gaming was NOT an acceptable excuse for being late...and some people were actually pissed about that. It's like, "Hello...reality check in aisle 5"

As far as relationships in-game, I never understood that. Who knows what type of person the other party truly is? Waaaaay back in the day I actually ended up getting stalked by this psycho-chick I met in the chat-rooms on AOL, it came damn near to the point where I almost had to file a restraining order on her because she would show up unannounced at my work, at my home...if I didn't answer my phone she would start calling EVERYBODY she could to try and track me down. It's a lesson I learned early on...you don't EVER give your info on the internet to someone you've never met. When it get's to the point where in-game relationships are screwing up your real one's, you really need to step back and examine your life. I know some people who have hooked up with people in real life after an online romance, but to me, the risks far outweigh the rewards.

Anyways, just my two cents...

[Telera]

Re: What is it about MMOs that makes some people so screwed up?

Don't really know the details, but there is this RL husband-wife pair, who each have in-game romances with others. Don't know the husband, but at least the wife seems like a happy, well adjusted person. (Nice person, honestly.) They are still married IRL, to my knowledge.

I guess I'm happy they are(?) happy, and it really does me no harm personally. Still, it seems kinda screwed up, whenever I do think about it (which isn't very often). Guess it just means I'm one of those stick-in-the-mud social conservative or something worse.

Maybe I'm the "screwed up" one for finding the situation uncomfortable when I'm not even involved? >_>;

I'm on Ifrit, too, and I knew a couple in my former Linkshell that played at this game. We may even be talking about the same people, but I'm not one to be naming names.

Suffice to say, the man and woman said repeatedly that they were married, but carried on relationships with other people within the game. The person the woman was seeing in-game even went to visit her, as I recall. My boyfriend and I game together on Ifrit, and we've always been vaguely uneasy about the whole situation with that husband/wife duo. We know its none of our business, but at the same time, everytime she'd tell me about her new in-game beau, I cringed.

I couldn't do that, especially if I already had someone. Just 'in-game' or not, as alot of you have pointed out, that tends to end up blowing into a huge mess for all involved.

Online relationships can work, I know of two offhand that did, but they were from a forum. I've never seen an in-game one work out personally, but my experience is somewhat limited there. I don't think there's anything wrong with meeting someone to love online, if it is a serious, loving relationship. But people doing it just for kicks, or who hop from partner to partner probably have more than just their game to be worrying about.

As for game-addicts, those are people who just have personalities prone to addiction in general, imo. If it hadn't been a game, it would have been some other form of 'escapism' for them. Most people I know have a healthy line between the game(s), and their life. If I have to work tomorrow, I leave the party when I have to sleep. If people whine, they can get over it. I do give hour/half-hour warnings before I do that, though. I realize some of the players are younger and their sole obligation may be school. But most people I have ran into at least have a part-time job. One would think they could understand that if you've gotta be up in 7 hours to work your shift, you probably should be sleeping.

[Wise Donkey]

Re: What is it about MMOs that makes some people so screwed up?

Humanity has a good bit to do with the relationship forming, IMO. It has been noted in many psychological studies that stressful situations overcome can create bonds that many mistake for "love". Hollywood plays this card in many movies - off the top of my head, the movie Speed. Reeves and Bullock meet while they team up to get everyone off the bus and thwart the mad bomber, and are madly in love at the end of the movie. I couldn't quote you the study, but I have read before that similar RL situations have been documented and the "love" rarely lasts.

Translate that to FFXI. You have some LS members who team up to complete Mission X to Y. Anyone who has completed any sizable portion of the FFXI storyline can tell you it gets stressful. You bond with those that you fight through it with. Some take that bond further and, as said above, the "love" rarely lasts.