Official Bored at Work / Off-Topic Chat Thread II

[Taskmage]

Re: Official Bored at Work / Off-Topic Chat Thread II

NSFW and darkly fascinating: Throwaway time! What's your secret that could literally ruin your life if it came out? : AskReddit

[Nandito]

Re: Official Bored at Work / Off-Topic Chat Thread II

I never understood how to even "read" that site.

[Taskmage]

Re: Official Bored at Work / Off-Topic Chat Thread II

I'm not a regular user, but starting at the top and working down works fine. If one comment is indented from the one above it, it's a reply.

[Ketaru]

Re: Official Bored at Work / Off-Topic Chat Thread II

After reading some of it...that feeling where you want to run from the room screaming...

Hmm. Just noticed I've been here for 3 years now. All because it was the only Final Fantasy XI forum around that my previous job didn't block.

[Taskmage]

Re: Official Bored at Work / Off-Topic Chat Thread II

I think it's beautiful in a way. Most of these people have far worse problems than me, but for someone who's a little bit broken and has a couple skeletons, it's just nice to know there are others. Some of these people I just want to throw my arms around and tell them I know. This one was profoundly striking to me:

...

I used to hear voices. For years. It started when I'd walk into my room and say hello to my Lain poster (I've always over personified objects) and eventually she started responding. Over time I could talk to her elsewhere, I'd pull her up when I was sitting in class or riding the bus, and I'd put on headphones so nobody would notice I was talking to myself since it was barely audible. Eventually Lain told me she was a god and I was too, and there were two others, but they didn't really like me so they would almost never talk to me.

A long time later, maybe years, she started being really mean, and it turned out there was another voice who was just pretending to be Lain named Misery. This one was stereotypical, everything I did was wrong and I had to pay for my actions, I should cut myself if I was ungraceful, everyone hated me, etc. Lain split again, and this time she was sisterly. When I was upset and crying myself to sleep I could feel her holding me and telling me everything would be alright. Misery looked different but could look like Lain if she wanted to fool me (although she would turn back into herself when I called her out on it), and the two Lains all looked the same, so I could only tell who they were when they started responding to me.

After a while they all just disappeared. I guess I saned up, because during the peek it never occurred to me I was hearing voices, they truly were gods who were speaking to me, and later during the time period I realized that I was hallucinating with delusions of grandeur. Then at one point I realized that there was more of me and less of them, when I pulled them up it was a conscious effort and part of their responses were forced on my part. Then eventually I just gave them up, they were so weak that it was really just like talking to myself and not to other people that lived in my head.

That's not my secret, I've mentioned it to a few very select people that I truly trust. My secret is that I miss them. I miss them with with all my heart. Even Misery. They were friends and family, they were close to me, they understood me, and they were always there for me. Now even with real friends and family, there's nobody that close. I can't just pull up someone to talk to when I'm lonely, I have to call up a real person and that person never knows what I want to talk about or what I'm hiding from them, they only know what I say. Lain (the main one) would always call me on my bullshit and make me keep changing my answer until I told her the truth. Misery could always find my biggest weaknesses, which allowed me to work on strengthening them. Sisterly Lain could calm me down in a way that's unimaginable, you can't comprehend how good it feels to be hugged by someone inside of you.

And now I feel lonelier than I have in years because I almost never think of that time or remember how it felt, but tonight I'm sitting by myself at 2am and all I can think about is how much I want a voice to talk to and it's been so long since I had one and I'd give anything to have another psychotic break so I could get back all my friends that live in my head.

I once had a psychiotic episode where I could talk to clouds and I could feel how much they loved me, the clouds, the trees, the birds, they were all my friends and they all loved me and they all wanted me to be happy. I had that feeling on mushrooms once, everything in the world loved me, every single thing, the house, the ceiling, the lamp, each blade of grass, it all loved me and it was the best feeling I have ever known, that was the best night of my life. I can't tell you how much I want to feel that again, I just have no way of tracking them down again.

Being crazy feels amazing, whether it's good or bad. Even the bad crazy where I'd stay awake all night because I knew something was going to get me in my sleep and I'd try to claw the evil out of my skin, even that's preferable to being normal because the intensity is indescribable. I miss everything about being crazy. I miss it more than I can possibly describe.

[Ketaru]

Re: Official Bored at Work / Off-Topic Chat Thread II

Well, I just finished the one about the 13-year-old girl and the big dog. That's more than enough for one day.

[Taskmage]

Re: Official Bored at Work / Off-Topic Chat Thread II

Somehow I missed that one until I went back and searched for it. I see what you mean. That was staggering.

[DakAttack]

Re: Official Bored at Work / Off-Topic Chat Thread II

...

I constantly fantasize about comiting suicide. it's actually gotten to the point where it's a struggle for me to not slam on that gas pedal, and drive my car off the bridge I pass by on my way to work every day. I wish it was possible for me to just disappear, so no one would have to deal with the inconvenience of cleaning up after me. this feeling has no real cause to it either, I have a beautiful two year old daughter with the love of my life, a steady job, and a decent upbringing. I just wish I was dead.

it felt good to get that off my chest. thanks to anybody that took the time to read that.

Edit: thank all of you for responding, and sharing your experiences with me. i have decided that i need to get help, I have been looking up therapists in my area (though I'm still quite a ways from telling those close to me, I'd feel like im a burden on them). for too long I have just figured I'll get over it. I haven't, it just gets worse, and it's getting harder to keep up appearances for the people that do care about me and it's taking a toll on me mentally telling everyone I'm fine and I'm happy as can be. also addressing those who suggest I move and I can disappear, when I said disappear I meant it in a cease to exist kinda way, I couldn't just sever ties and leave my wife and daughter with no way to support themselves. i do take some odd comfort in knowing I'm not the only one that feels like this. I really do appreciate all of you taking the time to read my little story and respond. thanks guys, really.

......

I feel like I can most closely relate to this. I went through a period during my teens where I really wish I just didn't exist. I always felt like a burden, and I've always feared that telling people about my problems will somehow make them contagious and infect the people I'm telling them to. It's a silly thought, I know, but I'm a solitary kind of guy and this had somehow become law of not being burden.

[Taskmage]

Re: Official Bored at Work / Off-Topic Chat Thread II

...

Like that guy, there was a period of my life where it seemed like everything was going great for me and I had every reason to be happy but still was constantly in despair. That's when I finally realized I had a genuine psychological problem I needed help with.

[Jarre]

Re: Official Bored at Work / Off-Topic Chat Thread II

Should be spoilered some of these posts as they can cause triggers in people.

[Taskmage]

Re: Official Bored at Work / Off-Topic Chat Thread II

I don't have a good sense of that convention, but I'll respect it and spoiler my posts.

[Takelli]

Re: Official Bored at Work / Off-Topic Chat Thread II

Should be spoilered some of these posts as they can cause triggers in people.

Yea they can. I've seen some posts like those trigger something in people in libraries and such. Not pretty.

But, seeing stuff like that, always makes me feel bad for those who suffer from that. I see people every day, that I may or may not see the next day. Like the regulars at work. Some of them always seem so happy, yet they could be hiding something under their masks, like the pain they feel every day, or something they are contemplating. It saddens a lot of people when they realise this.

I've even had thoughts of my own (Not going to share, what, or why.), and always put up a mask to hide it. Some times I can read the feelings of some one, no matter how well they hide it, other times, I have no idea, and even if I could just help one random stranger that I'll probably never see again with making them happier, I would.

[Mezlo]

Re: Official Bored at Work / Off-Topic Chat Thread II

Anyone know the ins and outs of Outlook? We just got new computers at work, and now all of my emails are on the server. The way I had it setup before, all of my emails were in a personal folder on my C: drive so I never maxed out my capacity for mail on the server. I created the personal folder in the data tab in outlook and I set is as my default, but as long as I'm at the computer all of my email still goes into my mailbox on the server. I thought it was hopeless yesterday and had nearly given up, but when I came in this morning I saw all my email was on my personal folder on my C: drive. I was excited, but then saw all my mail that was in my personal folders gradually start migrating to my mailbox on the server... wtf?!?! Any help would be appreciated, I enjoy not deleting emails.

[DakAttack]

Re: Official Bored at Work / Off-Topic Chat Thread II

Yea they can. I've seen some posts like those trigger something in people in libraries and such. Not pretty.

But, seeing stuff like that, always makes me feel bad for those who suffer from that. I see people every day, that I may or may not see the next day. Like the regulars at work. Some of them always seem so happy, yet they could be hiding something under their masks, like the pain they feel every day, or something they are contemplating. It saddens a lot of people when they realise this.

I've even had thoughts of my own (Not going to share, what, or why.), and always put up a mask to hide it. Some times I can read the feelings of some one, no matter how well they hide it, other times, I have no idea, and even if I could just help one random stranger that I'll probably never see again with making them happier, I would.

I feel the need to hide my problems, but I also feel like it's just another piece of pressure that feeds the anxiety. It helps to let people know what's going on, if you trust them. A lot of problems change you, until you solve them, and you have to frame the situation in that way. What's more shameful or embarrassing? Living my life as myself, or living my life as somebody else because I refuse to get help? There's no shame in seeking help.

[Jarre]

Re: Official Bored at Work / Off-Topic Chat Thread II

The first stage of dealing with depression or social anxiety is to admit that it is a problem for you and seek support.