Official Bored at Work / Off-Topic Chat Thread II

[Jarre]

Re: Official Bored at Work / Off-Topic Chat Thread II

Essex girl jokes start....

Q. What's the difference between an Essex girl and a fridge?
A. A fridge doesn't fart when you take your meat out.

Q. What do you call a Essex girl with half a brain?
A. Gifted!

Q. What do you call a Essex girl with 2 brain cells?
A. Pregnant

Q. Why aren't Essex girls good cattle herders?
A. Because they can't even keep two calves together!

Q. What did the Essex girl's right leg say to the left leg?
A. Nothing. They've never met

Q. Why don't Essex girls eat bananas?
A. They can't find the zipper

Q. What's the difference between a Walrus and an Essex Girl?
A. One is wet, has a moustache and smells of fish - the other is a walrus.

Q. What does an Essex girl say after having sex ?
A. What team do you guys play for !

Q. What's the difference between Gorbachev and an Essex girl ?
A. Gorby knows the names of the eight people that fucked him !

Q. What do Essex girls use for protection during sex?
A. Bus Shelters.

Q. How can you tell if an Essex girl is having a bad day?
A. Her tampon is behind her ear and she can't find her pencil.

Q. Why does an Essex girl wear knickers?
A. To keep her ankles warm.

Q. What does an Essex girl do with her cunt after sex?
A. She takes him down the pub.

Q. How many Essex girls does it take to make a chocolate chip cookie?
A. Five. One to stir the mixture and four to peel the smarties.

Q. What's the similarity between an Essex girl and a dog's turd?
A. The older they get, the easier they are to pick up!

Q. What's the difference between an Essex girl and a toilet?
A. A toilet won't follow you around when you've dumped in it.

[Malacite]

Re: Official Bored at Work / Off-Topic Chat Thread II

X.x

that started off funny and then it all went downhill.

[cidbahamut]

Re: Official Bored at Work / Off-Topic Chat Thread II

I think it started downhill and then just tunneled into the center of the earth.

[Armando]

Re: Official Bored at Work / Off-Topic Chat Thread II

Once upon this evening splendid, our families gathered as intended
To bare witness to a marriage of two people they adore
My heart's beating at attention, though it's not from apprehension
Only with it's sole intention to join this day with yours
But it's eager flutter eases knowing what I have in store
Just my vows and nothing more

How distinctly I'll remember on that day in late November
After just getting together together, we discussed this day and more
So eagerly you planned this wedding that sometimes you were forgetting
with all the stressful days of fretting what the ceremony's for
But the day has come and you'll see what the ceremony's for
As I vow forever more

With this promise ever binding, and our lives so intertwining
I vow my heart and soul... to you... from every distant shore
Though imperfect, I'll remember what I promised here forever
To love, keep and protect her from whatever comes ashore
So to you I vow this promise as was done in ancient lore
Clasping hands with rings eternal and with so much left in store
I vow to you forever more

Better than Edgar's review for Tuscan Whole Milk (1 gallon).

[Firewind]

Re: Official Bored at Work / Off-Topic Chat Thread II

I think it started downhill and then just tunneled into the center of the earth.

Seems about where you feel you are when you visit Essex TBH.

[cidbahamut]

Re: Official Bored at Work / Off-Topic Chat Thread II

I read that as "Texas", which also works oddly enough.

[Firewind]

Re: Official Bored at Work / Off-Topic Chat Thread II

It's more like our New Jersey to be fair.

[Caspian]

Re: Official Bored at Work / Off-Topic Chat Thread II

I read that as "Texas", which also works oddly enough.

[cidbahamut]

Re: Official Bored at Work / Off-Topic Chat Thread II

It's part of the bible belt. I stand by my statement.

[Aksannyi]

Re: Official Bored at Work / Off-Topic Chat Thread II

Considering the Essex jokes were about the women being whores, I'm not quite sure it fits.

Jersey (stereotypical Jersey, anyway) definitely does.

[Jarre]

Re: Official Bored at Work / Off-Topic Chat Thread II

Then theirs the Newcastle girl jokes...

Q: Why does a Newcastle girl always turn the light on after having sex?
A: To open the car door.

Q: What makes a Newcastle girl’s eyes light up?
A: A torch shone in her ear.

Q: What is the difference between a Newcastle girl and a washing machine?
A: You can dump your load in a washing machine and it won't follow you around all week.

Q: What do a turtle and a Newcastle girl have in common?
A: Put them on their back and they're both fucked

Q: How do you know if your secretary is a Newcastle girl?
A: There’s Tippex on the computer monitor

Q: What's the first thing a Newcastle girl does in the morning?
A: Goes home.

Q: What's the difference between a Newcastle girl and a bowling ball?
A: You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball.

Welcome to britain

[Mezlo]

Re: Official Bored at Work / Off-Topic Chat Thread II

Better than Edgar's review for Tuscan Whole Milk (1 gallon).

Ok Armando, we get it. Yyg stole the Rhythm and meter from Edgar's review of a gallon of milk, but the words Yygs substituted are beautiful you must admit!

[Taskmage]

Re: Official Bored at Work / Off-Topic Chat Thread II

Not sure how serious.

[Mezlo]

Re: Official Bored at Work / Off-Topic Chat Thread II

Then theirs the Newcastle girl jokes...

Is this Newcastle the same as the Newcastle brown ale?

- - - Updated - - -

Not sure how serious.

How serious am i normally on these forums... lol... if it didnt make you chuckle then fine, but don't be condescending...

[Taskmage]

Re: Official Bored at Work / Off-Topic Chat Thread II

idk my head's not together this morning and for a second I thought you might actually be serious.