The Military and Seperation

[Tek(Selphiie)]

I'm having somewhat of an internal struggle with myself, so i am seeking some advice.

Basically soon i will be getting married, and my job working serving the men and women of the U.S Navy isn't enough to support my family-to-be. So i decided to actually pursue joining the military, specifically the Navy. Its just the Navy has such great benefits and i know my family will have that security. The only real issue that I have is, joining the Navy also means i will be deployed for 6-10+ months at a time. Even though the Navy offers such extensive family benefits and programs, it just isn't really family friendly from what I see, neither is any other branch of the military from what I see/hear. I don't want to just join the military because of my family, i want to join for the experience, job security and financial security, but it is mostly for my family. A man has to make his sacrifices.

I know once i join I will have to learn to get used to separation, but knowing that the separation is benefiting the person/people that I love. It isn't a trust issue at all, my girl and I are completely faithful to each other and we have that trust to the point where we know that neither of us can give in to temptation, shes a wonderful person. The issue is just handling seperation for long periods of time constantly over my Naval Career.

Now there have been other options, like joining the Coast Guard/Air Force, but my whole life I've grown up around the Navy, as a Navy Dependant, so im more used to this lifestyle.

Any advice? (Non-smartass ones please)

[Malacite]

Re: The Military and Seperation

Honestly, prioritize. If you really want to be in the military, then you're just not going to be able to have it both ways;

Either find some other venues (like investing in stocks and real estate) to earn extra cash, or suck it up for the benefits. It seems like a "damned if you do, damned if you don't" scenario to me and I feel for ya. Personally, I wouldn't be able to stand spending so much time away from the people I love.

[Tek(Selphiie)]

Re: The Military and Seperation

Personally, I wouldn't be able to stand spending so much time away from the people I love.

Thats my issue, i don't think i could stand it. I know im doing it for all the right reasons, and like i said there are no trust issues, our relationship has 100% trust. Its just that, man, i wouldn't be able to handle such long seperations.

The only thing is when I look at all these Navy family's in my store, i see them, and I'm like "Well, they can do it..."

[TheGrandMom]

Re: The Military and Seperation

If you are used to the lifestyle then there really shouldn't be much of an issue. The change should be minimal and the decision should be something you need to work out with your significant other. The military isn't a job, its a career and the one thing thats evident to anyone thats been through the drill is that you are either up for it or you are not. There just is no middle ground. Pick the stance that is best for you and yours and be strong and stand by it.


Marine Corp family here Semper Fi!

[LilithAngel]

Re: The Military and Seperation

Air Force here, but the concern you raise is prevalent throughtout the service, not just Navy-specific. It's understandable that there would be concerns about being separated from loved ones for periods of time, and I won't lie, it's a certainly a possibility, but what a lot of people fail to realize and understand, that not everyone is doing the same job in the Navy/Air Force/Army/Marines/Coast Guard that requires them to deploy all the time.

That's not to say you won't deploy, but if that's what's keeping you from joining (because of the separation issues), you might wanna look more into what each job is about in the Navy. It isn't all just sitting in a ship/sub for months on end; there are actual bases that you can be permanently assigned to, doing jobs that never see ship/sub duty (Misawa Air Base, the base I'm stationed at, is also Misawa Naval Station, with permanent Naval personnel stationed here). Furthermore, while all jobs can be deployable, not all of them are deployable at the same rate. This is true throughout the Service.

I'm not here to try to convince you to join. As TGM said, it's not for everyone. However, I do hate to see people who would join and become great additions to the force turn away because of rumors, lack of knowledge of the situation, and preconceived notions. The whole "If I join up, they'll slap a uniform on me and ship me off to Iraq/Afghanistan/Wherever instantly" just isn't true, not for the most part. A whole lot more goes into signing up than most people realize, it's just military dependants get a bit of a leg up than most others.

I've had friends and family express concerns over my safety and well being when I told them I was joining the Air Force. All of it being the same concerns and whatnot you're having. Mind you, I'm single, but the worries were the same nonetheless. However, it's been completely different than what the civilian perception of what military service is like, and I can say, I'm glad I did sign up. In the end, however, it's a call you and your spouse will have to make together, because once you sign on the dotted line, she's effectively in it too. For most bases, where you go, she goes with you.

[Ameroth]

Re: The Military and Seperation

Ask yourself this before you go: Am I willing to die in a foreign country for a pointless war and never see my girl again?

Make sure you weigh in the possibility of being KIA before you give into the temptations of military benefits/security. Personally, I find there's ample opportunities on the homefront to make enough money to support myself and someone else.

[Feba]

Re: The Military and Seperation

The military isn't a job, its a lifestyle

fixed.

If you really think that the armed forces are the way to go, and your best option, I'd recommend asking around and doing plenty of research; anecdotes have their purposes. My uncle has been in the USAF his entire adult life, and has for at least the past twenty years or so ALWAYS had his family with him. Of course, this meant that his family had to move to Japan, Germany, and he's a mechanic, so it's far from saying "Join the air force, stay with your family", but I'd assume that most air force duties are away from the frontlines.

[Neomage]

Re: The Military and Seperation

Ask yourself this before you go: Am I willing to die in a foreign country for a pointless war and never see my girl again?

Make sure you weigh in the possibility of being KIA before you give into the temptations of military benefits/security. Personally, I find there's ample opportunities on the homefront to make enough money to support myself and someone else.

Dude, it's the Navy. Not the Army, not the Marines. The only way he could be deployed to Iraq/Afghanistan is if he is enlisted as a medic, and even then he would be stationed inside a base.

That said, I would talk to your fiance about it. If she supports you, I would say go for it. If she is on the fence as well, I would try and find something else to do. It's a large commitment, and if you later find out you made a mistake they may harm your relationship, there is no easy way out.

[Feba]

Re: The Military and Seperation

The only way he could be deployed to Iraq/Afghanistan

We live on a large planet. There's plenty of possibility of a Navy man becoming involved in a war, or a war that isn't called a war. WWII's Pacific theatre would be a good example.

[Susurrus]

Re: The Military and Seperation

Air Force here.

Most Air Force deployments aren't longer than 6 months from my experiences (unless you volunteer for them). Also it depends on the job you do. Obvoiusly some jobs deploy more than others. It took me 4.5 years to get a deployment (which I volunteered for), and is only 4 months required. But I also know others who are gone a LOT more, and people who have been in much longer and haven't deployed. There ARE missions back home. At the same time, if you're completely against deploying do NOT join. There are also some one year assignments where you go to bases and can't bring family.

As far as the benefits, they are awesome, and if you can get a job you'll enjoy, that makes it much better.

You're a navy brat so I shouldn't have to tell you your family will probably have to move around to different bases.

If nothing else, I suggest at least join for one enlistment (whatever branch), get a skill, get a degree (100% Tuition Assistance, + GI Bill when you get out), travel (hopefully). Once that enlistment is up, only you can decide to stay in or get out.

[Kitalrez]

Re: The Military and Seperation

Marine here, same dept. in the Pentagon, though.

Navy and Marines are a bit different than the other branches of the service. The Army and Air Force get deployed when there's a war going on, we get deployed when it's Saturday... or March... or the 28th of February... etc. The problem with the Navy and Marines is that in order to do your job, you pretty much have to be deployed somewhere. I did the bulk of my contract as a Reservist, too. My infantry unit specialized in desert deployment off the back of CH-40s. Somehow, I still ended up on the deck of an LHA on it's way from San Diego to San Fransisco for almost a month. You really have to work your way up to get into a station where you're not going somewhere on a ship. Even if you pick a particular MOS that doesn't sound deployable, like Admin, you still might end up attached to a unit that is sent somewhere on a ship.

An LPAC is going to run you about 6 months. That's in peacetime. You'll spend those 6 months floating around the Pacific going to somewhat interesting places. During a war, you'll probably be sent to one location, and you'll be on the boat for most of it. When you get back, you'll be home for roughly 4 months, after which time your unit is eligible for another LPAC. I graduated with about 200 other Marines in my Company. Of those who either were married or got married within that year, I understand that most of them were divorced somewhere during or before year 2. If your either a newlywed, or planning on getting married soon, joining the military is one of the worst moves you can make. Its actually worse than becoming a male stripper in terms of your relationship. Our divorce rate is astounding, and for good reason.

Unless they've changed things drastically, I don't think you're thinking through the benefits and living situation, either. You will be ineligible to live on base until you're at least an NCO. If the force has expanded more since I left, that might now be a Staff NCO. Married housing was hard to get when I was enlisted. Its somewhat easier if you're an officer, but 1st and 2nd lieutenant weren't always a lock for a good married quarters chit. You're probably going to be looking at housing your family off-base. This can get expensive on a seaman's salary, since the Navy typically bases itself in and around cities with mid to high costs of living. It's not real easy to find a cheap apartment in San Francisco or Seattle, for instance. You'd be looking at getting a place well out of town, and risking having to be written up for being late for duty a few times.

The six month's deployment thing, though, that's a real deal breaker. It's less of a problem later on, when you're higher rank and you don't have to be on every deployment, or can get into billets that don't spend all that time overseas. The first four years, though, you're stuck taking everything. Your new wife is going to be at home, by herself, with your new kids. That's not an easy task. If you're single, the first four years can be a great job. If you're married, they can be relationship poison. Ask your intended if they could stand only seeing you for about 2 months out of the year. That's your worst case scenario... maybe you get a weekend visit somewhere in the rest of that, but worst case you're looking at 2 months with her. That's a full PAC and a couple of combat extensions. It sucks, but it's possible. Really sit down and think about it with her. If it takes you less than 3 hours to make a decision, you did it wrong.

I agree with LilithAngel, the guys that are telling you you might get shipped off and get shot are full of it. Yes, that's a possibility, but our divorce rate isn't that high because of the risk involved. That's just one factor. The loneliness caused by you being deployed and ending up a stranger in your own house is way worse. If you decide to do this, take my advice and postpone your wedding for 2-3 years. I can seriously count the number of marriages in my class that succeeded past year 1 on one hand.

[Tek(Selphiie)]

Re: The Military and Seperation

Thanks guys, its been a struggle really. Most of the pressure actually coming from my parents, who are military. They have been pushing me since i was a boy to join and it kind of got drilled into my head that there were no other options. So thats all i did was work for it, did JROTC in high school and attempted ROTC in college, but my grades were horrid so i dropped out and joined the workforce. Really crappy move on my part, now I'm stuck serving the U.S navy instead of actually serving IN the U.S Navy.

For those of you in the military you are familiar with the military exchanges, yeah, thats what I do, and it just is not enough, i only make 16k a year there.

I can't afford college to try again for a better life, so people are pushing me saying "Military is your only ticket to a better life...not only for you but for your family."

[Feba]

Re: The Military and Seperation

Well, personally I'd push back, but that's not really a rational course of action.

However, I do want to tell you that if you want to go to college, you CAN find other ways to afford it. Talk to someone in admissions, preferably at a community college. They can tell you about all sorts of programs out there that will help pay for college. There's federal and private grants and scholarships, federal and private student loans, all sorts of programs (you may have heard of the AmeriCorps) that will help you pay for college in exchange for work, typically volunteer of some sort. There are companies out there which will help with college (I believe McDonalds is pretty good about this, as is UPS) for their employees. There are some programs which will pay for or help to pay for your education, in exchange for a commitment to work with their organization or company for some number of years (I've seen some school districts and such offering this for teachers, and the NSA offering this for translators and interpretors)

There are MANY options out there. Do not anyone let you feel like you have to do as they say, no matter which one you end up picking. Again, I strongly recommend that you go down to your nearest community college and start asking questions. It might not be easy, but it is not impossible.

[Juiced]

Re: The Military and Seperation

Another AirForce guy here.

I've been in for 6 years now and from personal experience man, it's ALL in the job you decide to take on with in the military. I was in from 3 years before my bucket came up for taskings. And I'm in communications (Telephony and Networking) at that. I probably should've deployed more often but didn't. Now I'm 28 days from separating from the military and I couldn't be happier. I never traveled (other than my own personal vacations to Italy and Greece) and I've been stuck at Eglin AFB, FL this WHOLE time.

There's a TSGT (Tech) in my shop. Been in for something like 14 years or so now. Never deployed. Its sad, really.

Bottom line is, research the job you REALLY want in the Navy. If your job is in higher demand for supporting the wartime fighter, then your at a higher risk to get tasked. I know the Navy does a set ammount of time that you must be at sea for before you can situate at the Base.

To put it into perspective, this is AirForce mind you, we have AEF rotations (or "buckets") that everyone is placed into according to which job you do. These buckets cycle up every year. EX: I'm in AEF 7 and 8 and its timeframe is from November - February. During that slot, taskings come down from Mobility and if they need someone from my careerfield they will pull them and process them for deployment. If none come down OR only a handful, say 5 - 6, are slotted and I don't get picked, I don't get to go. Once February hits, I'm generally in the clear till November. Again, this is the AirForce and I'm not sure how our sister services run their taskings.

Goodluck Tek, in whatever you decide to do. Just do your research and make sure you don't settle for anything less than what you really want to do in the Navy. Don't let some asshat recruiter try to throw big words or numbers around to try to get you to do something you don't want to do. You'll regret it for the next 4 - 6 years if you do

[Cotners]

Re: The Military and Seperation

There are quite a few of us in the Air Force here.

Let me tell you about my experiences, since I have been deployed twice in 4 yrs. It really does depend largely on your job. I am in Civil Engineering and thus am constantly called upon for support. Both of my deployments have been to Iraq. Each one has been 6 months in length plus about a month in training, since I was attached to the army both times. So with travel time etc. I was gone almost 8 months each time. I have a wife and 3 kids and it's very hard to leave them, but the best way to keep your mind off that is to work hard and stay busy. The benifits the military offer are worthwhile and in a flucuating economy (to put it mildy), the stability is very much appreciated. Overall I like being in the military and being in has served my family well.