Friends or something more? Help me out guys!

[Fliegar]

Re: Friends or something more? Help me out guys!

I've had a few female friends over the last few years of Highschool that sat at the same table in the cafeteria as my other friends and I. Lots of times we'd trail off into breast discussions after one of the girls had mentioned a nip slip or something along those lines. Really, it's all about how comfortable you are about talking about these subjects. The conversations never led to anything, just harmless talk. I'm fairly sure my generation is a lot more open when it comes to these things, as it's almost everywhere, now that I think about it.

[Kitalrez]

Re: Friends or something more? Help me out guys!

I guess I should probably pipe up for the "nucking futs" men out there, I would guess there's probably more than just me on this board. (1 in 4 of us Yanks, if you believe NIMH). I have an anxiety disorder, and it takes about 6 months for me to decide I'm comfortable enough around a woman to ask her out in the first place. The way I notice a lot of women operating, this tends to put me squarely in "The Friend Zone" when I do finally decide she's safe to ask out. Unless the woman is unattractive to you, (like if you're gay, or she's a friend's spouse, perhaps she's gay...), or she's somehow off limits, (cousin, homicidal maniac's daughter...), men don't usually try to end up in "The Friend Zone". "The Friend Zone" for an attractive, single woman is typically a place where you end up when things have clearly gone wrong somewhere.

I bring this up to point out that you might want to have your daughter say or do something that confirms to this guy where he's at before she starts making boob-comparisons. The stuff means vastly different things depending on where you stand. My little sister's best friend is getting married next week. I've known her since she was 12, and we've had crushes on each other at different times during that period. We're at the point in our relationship where I don't really consider her different than family now. So, last month when I drove past her on my way home from work, and she was jogging in her sports bra, I honked, waved, thought "Hmm, that bra looks good on her," and kept right on driving. Because at this stage in our relationship, it did look good on her, and not in the "that looks good on you and I need to go get some lotion" way. In this case, I'm in "The Friend Zone", and I'm happy where I ended up.

Like a lot of guys, I tend to view women non-sexually when they're somehow offlimits. If you're the wife of my good friend, I tend to consider you somewhere around talking furniture. You're over at the house, you move around, and you speak. Rarely will you impact my life beyond that. If a close friend says "This is my wife, Katja. She's from Russia and has a degree in...", I'm less likely to think about ripping her clothes off than I am to be thinking: "Holy %$@@! That ottoman speaks Russian." If I don't know the guy, or don't like the guy, I may look at his wife that way. Once, I had a guy I barely met introduce me to his Russian bride. My thoughts were barely off how this annoying little Physics grad student was talking down to me before I was moving on to: "Dear god, that woman has the largest breasts and tiniest waist I've ever seen on one woman. God bless Russia, and God bless Putin, Yeltzin, or whoever drove her out of that country and into mine." They actually divorced a year later, in another state, having some sort of ongoing fight since before I'd ever met them. Maybe I was picking up on some relationship trouble vibe, there. Maybe I just hated the guy that much off a first impression. Point is, most men's libido has an off switch, and if it's supposed to be off, it'll tend to be there. This happened, but it was way out of the ordinary for me.

Which I guess is the wrap-up. Where is she in this spectrum? I'm nuts, but if she's clearly a friend, and she goes off about boobs to me, she'll probably stay a friend. On the other hand, if she's still on the fence, or I haven't gotten to know her well enough to tell where I stand and she does this? That's complicated. What happens afterwards? If I ask, is the answer that I'm in "The Friend Zone"? Because if it is, I'm probably not talking to her again. I'm already nuts, and there's only room for one looney in my relationships. If I can't read you that far along, it's probably not worth hanging around you. You'll just make me uncomfortable or feel used.

[Ziero]

Re: Friends or something more? Help me out guys!

I'm gay so I can get away with it lol. That's why she was teasing me in the first place

Psh, gay guys get all the chicks ._.

As for the OP, she's flirting and he wants to do her. No one knows more about this situation then you right now and if that's what your instincts are telling you then you're probably right. You know your daughter and you know what type of person she is, whatever you think she's trying to accomplish is exactly what she's trying to accomplish.

All the opinions you're getting here, they're more or less coming from the "nice" guys. You know, the ones who never actually get any(i'm exaggerating but you get the idea) and always get stuck in the "friends zone"? We're a pretty smart, pretty decent bunch here, so when girls talk about boobs here, we won't be all "horny dog" on them.

Though more times then not, when a chick I know starts talking about that, it's cause they want some and nice guys just don't make the moves for it. I know a *lot* of girls, who are nice and smart and self sufficiant who still prefer it when a guy makes the first move. And pretty much all of told me that too nice is a turn off, so guys who don't take major hints like "Do you like my boobs" wouldn't be anything more then friends. Now I'm a nice guy, but I'm also a horrible flirt, so if one of my chick friends made a comment like that, I'd respond with a sexual innuendo, and they'll roll their eyes, tell me I'm horrible, then smile and laugh. Take that as you will.

But once again I'll say this, follow your instincts. More often then not, they're pretty accurate.

[Vyuru]

Re: Friends or something more? Help me out guys!

All the opinions you're getting here, they're more or less coming from the "nice" guys. You know, the ones who never actually get any(i'm exaggerating but you get the idea) and always get stuck in the "friends zone"? We're a pretty smart, pretty decent bunch here, so when girls talk about boobs here, we won't be all "horny dog" on them.

The curse of being a "nice guy" is that the women you want don't want you, while the women you don't want are throwing themselves at you.

/sigh

Anywho, agreeing with Ziero, Tipsy, and Effedup here, and from your description, I'd be saying that this is highly inappropriate, especially for a woman with children, especially with a man who she has not even met face to face yet.

And from a guy's perspective, most of the female friends that I have had who turned the conversation along those lines were fishing to get me into bed with them. That's been largely my experience, so I'm going to be a bit more biased to think that, so take that into consideration as well.

Another possibility is that this isn't something that's that serious, and more banter between friends as others have suggested (though that doesn't seem right to me) but it could just be that their friendship is at an inappropriate level at this time.

Would rather not get into details but I have seen that as well were a relationship with a friend was blown out of all proportion to the point of overriding a married woman's relationship with her own husband and family.

When do you know a woman is trying to communicate more than friendship to you.

It's always a bit different for each woman and the type of the relationship you have with them. One girl I knew was always saying how horny she was, how long it's been since she's had any, inviting me to clubs where you apperently strip down to undies and dance around in bubbles or something like that, and to people's homes who she was babysitting for. Also liked to ask me some of those same questions.

Although to be fair I can be fairly obtuse at times, so she probably felt the need to plop into my lap and stick her chest in my face, in the university library no less -.-

[Angrykitten]

Re: Friends or something more? Help me out guys!

Hey, I'm just gonna jump in and give a female perspective on this.

It depends how close you are to your friend.

For example - if you ask your guy friend "Hey do you like my breasts", then yup, you've probably crossed the line.

But if your friends asks what you are up to later in the afternoon and you say "I'm going bra shopping... I need to find some cotton bras that don't make my nipples itch" then I'd say thats okay.

[Tipsy]

Re: Friends or something more? Help me out guys!

All the opinions you're getting here, they're more or less coming from the "nice" guys. You know, the ones who never actually get any(i'm exaggerating but you get the idea) and always get stuck in the "friends zone"? We're a pretty smart, pretty decent bunch here, so when girls talk about boobs here, we won't be all "horny dog" on them

Usually the "nice" guys don't care at all about whether or not "getting some" would be the most important thing in a friendship and have self respect not to throw themselves at every girl they think they can acquire some with. They have greater wisdom and with that, better advice. And they usually have someone really close to them, someone they are in Love with, and that's all they need because, making love is better than having sex.

[Akashimo]

Re: Friends or something more? Help me out guys!

Usually the "nice" guys don't care at all about whether or not "getting some" would be the most important thing in a friendship and have self respect not to throw themselves at every girl they think they can acquire some with. They have greater wisdom and with that, better advice. And they usually have someone really close to them, someone they are in Love with, and that's all they need because, making love is better than having sex.

While I tend to agree with statements like that, sometimes it becomes a burden to oneself knowing that's all there is to oneself in the eyes of others v.v;
Its just annoying at times for me being seen and called a nice guy and nothing more comes of it in every situation. More so than worrying around a friend from high school who gets into questionable relationships at times and only have a few calls and blog posts to go on in trying to help with some sort of useful advice.

To the main question:

Ok...I had a "discussion" with my daughter today. I was talking to her about how she interacts with people....mainly the opposite sex. So I'm going to ask this of our male members. Imagine you have a friend that is female. We all know the stresses of having a friend of the opposite sex and how you walk that fine line so its not more than friendship. But just what is crossing the line? If you were talking with her and she started talking about her breasts to you, would that be crossing the line? What type of behavior raises that red flag to you?

I would find it crossing the line if a close female friend suddenly tries to seriously seduces me but with no intention of making anysort of lasting past friend relationship. Even though I would want to, my instincts tell me, "Don't even consider it you idiot, no way in hell you'd last or be good to her if you even give in. So stop thinking about giving in Aka" Even when I'm not exactly close friends with some female class mates, espically the ultra attractive ones back in high school, its really unsettling when they talk about breasts and two were considering getting implants.... with our teacher joining in on their conversation.... our teacher also being hot, and under 28. Bonus fact, i was the only guy in the room at the time too v_v; Way out where? D:
So personally I just try to draw the line where it would mean actually taking a step being more than a close friend but less than lover/bf and any action against drawing the line would lead to continuous awkward air between us.

[Feba]

Re: Friends or something more? Help me out guys!

Don't even consider it you idiot

At least you're true to yourself, aka.