I've lost someone close to me.

[Aksannyi]

This may sound ridiculous to some of you, but bear with me.

I've been a member of the Ebaumsworld forums for almost four years now, where I've made a ton of internet relationships, some of whom I call my friends. I go there on my off time to relieve stress and chat with people about general stuff, much the same way I shoot the shit with you guys, just on EBWF, it's more of a general chat thing as opposed to just talking about games.

Well this evening when I got home from class I opened a thread to find out that a beloved member and moderator of the forum, someone I've known since I joined that forum, committed suicide last night. My heart is broken right now, I really loved him as a friend and I can't believe he was hurting so much that he felt the need to take his life. Basically, I'm in a state of shock, and while all of us on EBWF are in the same general state of shock and grief, I needed to pour my heart out elsewhere.

I know it sounds incredibly lame to those of you who only come here for a couple minutes a day, but the people on my forums whom I've been close with for years are my friends. It hurts - a lot - to think that he'll never make another wisecrack at my expense again, or flirt with all the ladies. It may not have the same sting as someone that I've actually met in real life, but I'm still very saddened by losing him as a friend.

Well, I don't know what I hoped to acheive with this thread except to pour my heart out to some people whom I respect and also consider friends, also, maybe you guys have some insight? Would you feel the way I'm feeling now if someone from here or another popular community (hell, even FFXI) were suddenly dead? Am I crazy for feeling like I've lost a good friend here, even though I really only knew him from myspace and EBWF? Anyone else here feel the same way?

Please try to keep the flaming out, if you think I'm retarded that's fine but say it nicely.

[Neomage]

Re: I've lost someone close to me.

It's a shame people feel then need to go ahead and do this...

[Feba]

Re: I've lost someone close to me.

I really want to feel bad for you, but I mean, eBaum's.

I do understand how you feel, though.

[Murphie]

Re: I've lost someone close to me.

I don't really have much to say beyond that I'm sorry you have lost a friend.

[Aksannyi]

Re: I've lost someone close to me.

I really want to feel bad for you, but I mean, eBaum's.

I do understand how you feel, though.

Yeah I know, but if it comforts you any, I only go to the forum. I haven't been to the main page in months - maybe more than a year. The community is so far removed from the rest of the site, where any "stealing" goes down or whatever. To me, it's just stupid because 95% of the forum has nothing to do with the main site, but people come and invade the forum like we care.

Oh well, I found the forum so long before everyone 'hated' Eric Bauman and I'd made so many friends there that leaving was kind of ridiculous.

[eticket109]

Re: I've lost someone close to me.

A friend is a friend, regardless of where or how you make them. Sorry about the loss of a friend Aks. :hug:

[Mog]

Re: I've lost someone close to me.

Sorry, Aksannyi.

[Omgwtfbbqkitten]

Re: I've lost someone close to me.

The emotions that come from the aftermath of a suicide can be really difficult to deal with. There's the feeling of being powerless to have stopped your friend, the fact that you didn't know they were contemplating and then the anger that you feel at yourself and at your friend once you start to realize all the things leading up to his decision to killing himself.

Its probably the greatest pain someone can know emotionally. I'm very sorry you've had to experience it.

[Satori]

Re: I've lost someone close to me.

Honey thats awful,

I doubt you'll be flamed, You're one of the nicest people we have on these pages. It's never nice to lose somebody even if you aren't too close to them. Afterall a loss is a loss.
I've experienced loss in many forms and being a nurse people expect me to be used to it. It never gets easier losing somebody you just have to dust yourself down and keep on walking it's what they'd want you to do. Think of the person and the impact they made on your life and why they made the impression on you that they have.

last year I lost 2 people close to me

first was my cousin who comitted suicide after being released from prison found out his gf was pregnant and his dad, step-dad and brother had all had a ride on her while he was away.
Its hard to say why people take action in these forms sometimes its a cry for help that goes wrong when its discovered too late. suicide is probably the worst for those left behind as it leaves many questions that only the departed can truly answer and frustration to those that wish they could of done more. Alot of times in the case of suicide the people close to them never see it coming because the person hides what is wrong so well.

As I said before think how this person touched your life and think of those good chats you had.

Secondly

I met a guy in a chatroom and we hit it off pretty well after chatting for hours we exchanged numbers and spoke on the phone and sent messages all the time. I'd been doing night shifts on my ward at the time so I was working some dodgy hours at work and he worked in the day so meeting was proving to be a bit hard. After 3 weeks we planned to meet the following weekend, We both seemed so keen, As the final week went by he just stopped calling or replying to me. I just thought he was blowing me off. I got approached by a lady on my ward who asked if I knew who "my name" was. I told her it was me and she told me that he had been attacked leaving a nightclub and was seriously hurt. I was stunned. My matron let me leave duty and I went straight to see him. The first time I ever saw him for real he was cut and bruised and wired up to machines even I wasn't sure what they were.
I visited him everyday for 4 days until he couldnt fight any longer and he passed away as a result of his head injuries. I was gutted.

I know my post is a little grim but I hope you see the relevance that I see

if you ever need to chat dont hesitate to pm me.

As I said before we have many people come and go in our lives but only a few truly leave a lasting impression,
I think of my cousin mark and martin and I'm sad for what turned out but I'm thankfull for the things they did while they were with me.

Take care sweetie

love and hugs

Stephen xxxx /bighug

[Malevolent]

Re: I've lost someone close to me.

Be happy for him. He knew what he was doing.

[Murphie]

Re: I've lost someone close to me.

Be happy for him. He knew what he was doing.

Dude, what the hell.

[Feba]

Re: I've lost someone close to me.

My Mood:

Dude, poor taste.

[Murphie]

Re: I've lost someone close to me.

That's been my mood for days, funny man.

[Silent Howler]

Re: I've lost someone close to me.

I've had one incident that nearly had the same fate. There was one girl I had met online and we were started to go through the phase of being more than friends. I knew her life was rough, but then came the night she decided she would kill herself. I may have been the last person she talked to that night, and in a last effort to stop her I told her "I love you." She said she loved me too and then left. The next day I get a message from a friend and find out she was in the hospital. For a moment while I was talking to him I thought she actually did die, and that broke my heart. She lived though, but I don't know how things are going for her now...

[Malevolent]

Re: I've lost someone close to me.

Dude, what the hell.

You have a problem? What is it? Are you going to tell me what I thought when I wrote that? Or just criticize me to seem like a bigger and better person than I?

Yeah its sad when a person passes away by natural causes or by suicide. We all know nothing is going to bring them back. The apologies don't do anything, they're just as empty as the feelings some may be experiencing right now. Be happy that in his moment, that some people would say totally powerless that he did have the power to make such an act. Be happy for him that his next life may bring him peace and a better understanding.

What the hell Murphie, what the hell...