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Ever have a day that just starts out shitty and progressively gets worse?
Yeah, that's today. I woke up at 6:26 ... I'm supposed to be at work at 6. And of course, my truck is on E, so I have to stop for gas. So an hour after my shift I roll in with a massive fucking migraine that hasn't yet gone away, and people are being so fucking retarded at work ... I've set my e-mail status to Do Not Disturb and people are still fucking sending me e-mails. I am fucking busy and I do not have time for your inane questions, 75% of which have nothing to fucking do with me anyway.
If I make it through this day I am going to the store and purchasing copious amounts of alcohol.
Rejection letter I received regarding a job I applied for:
Thank you for your interest in employment opportunities with Atlantic Health System. We have received your application for the Unavailable Variable position in the Unavailable Variable department. Although your qualifications and background are most impressive, another candidate has been selected.
Pretty words, but couldn't you have least made it sound like this wasn't automated? I almost believed that crap about my qualification and background being "most impressive." What a killjoy...
Yep basically sums up my experience. I been looking for work for so long now I think I'm just honestly fucked... which is just WONDERFUL considering we have no income at all now with Dad gone (well we do sorta, but like it's all just small stuff like Mom's retirement no actual pay checks.)
I fucking HATE LOOKING FOR WORK these days. God damn it's so dumb, used to be you could just go into a place, ask to the see the manager and if they liked you they'd call you back or even take you on the spot. Now you're just another number in a long line of anonymous online applicants it's complete crap. It's even more infuriating when I see so many incompetent rubes at the places I've applied, but I don't even get a shot or w/e reasons. So much for govt. work being a bonus on a resume (worked for CRA and Elections Ontario now but that doesn't matter worth a crap evidently).
My complaints are still anxiety related. I switched from Xanax to Klonopin, and now I'm tapering down in an effort to quit.
The withdrawal symptoms are, objectively, rather mild and yet somehow I still feel as though they're driving me insane. It's like being rubbed with super-fine grade sandpaper. Not too bad the first pass, but on the second and third you realize this could be a problem. And by the fourth you're starting to chafe. You struggle and end up causing more friction and more damage.
I've learned ways to avoid the struggle during CBT, so I'm not making it worse on myself, but I can't avoid the withdrawal symptoms. They still cause friction. And I'm not 100% perfect at avoiding the struggle, so it's a struggle to avoid the struggle. That, by itself, isn't terrible, but I still find myself struggling with the anxiety before I begin struggling with avoiding that struggle, and the damage is already done.
To add another layer to all of this, I have to work eight hours a day, five days a week, through this. Soon it will be ten hours a day, six days a week, up until the end of August at the least. It's going to be hell.
I read somewhere that if you're walking through hell, you should just keep walking. What it doesn't mention is that if you stumble, it will swallow you up.
Been busy this week done some late nighters (8am-8pm) for 5 days this week to get a brand new secondary school in Kidsgrove ready to present to the EFA for the first of 7 stage presentations over the next 3 months.
Get a call today from some place that got my resume, but the girl couldn't find it on file when I called her back and asked me to e-mail it again to her....
and I have the record in my phone, they called me like an hour before I got up today - I woulda heard it too if our phones weren't all F'd up. Woulda been nice if I could have just answered them then and there.
There are two friends of mine who are married. Their relationship has been on the rocks lately and some of us are concerned about it. But for now, I've decided to mind my own business. Well, one of them was on a dating website looking at an old profile I put there. He removed his picture prior to looking, but I know it's him.
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