What's your pet peeve in RL?

[Taskmage]

Re: What's your pet peeve in RL?

While I haven't completely divorced the two (and am not sure I ever truly could), I do believe in a pretty big difference between sex and love. As such, it's not a stretch for me to regularly enjoy sex with someone I don't madly love, rather, just someone whose company I simply prefer. Rinse/repeat for attractive preferable company as is available.

Well, but to take it further, why do people feel that only one loving romantic relationship should be allowed at a time? We clearly understand that someone can have strong feelings about more than one person at once, the entertainment industry has no doubt made billions examining the situation, but it's always taken as a given that one must decide which is "true love" and that lover should get full and complete devotion while the other is abandoned. I don't see why that should be. People crave many kinds of fulfillment. It's unrealistic, imo, to expect one person to be such a perfect fit for you that they satisfy your every desire, and expect ourselves to seal up those unmet desires and never act on them.

Amusing sidenote: right after I posted this my wife came in here to show me that the relationship options on Facebook had been amended to include "in an open relationship."

New peeve: my failure to put my foot down and say "no" when I'm offered to go out, knowing full well I need to sleep.

I could post the same thing in the FFXI pet peeves thread.

[cidbahamut]

Re: What's your pet peeve in RL?

I think most people just enjoy the feeling of having someone all to themselves. It's a comforting thought to know that someone will always be there for you when you need them. Whether or not that's realistic is a matter for debate, but it's something people want.

[BurningPanther]

Re: What's your pet peeve in RL?

Well, but to take it further, why do people feel that only one loving romantic relationship should be allowed at a time? We clearly understand that someone can have strong feelings about more than one person at once, the entertainment industry has no doubt made billions examining the situation, but it's always taken as a given that one must decide which is "true love" and that lover should get full and complete devotion while the other is abandoned. I don't see why that should be. People crave many kinds of fulfillment. It's unrealistic, imo, to expect one person to be such a perfect fit for you that they satisfy your every desire, and expect ourselves to seal up those unmet desires and never act on them.

Amusing sidenote: right after I posted this my wife came in here to show me that the relationship options on Facebook had been amended to include "in an open relationship."

Taskmage, I'm going to have to ask you to exit my brain, I have a lot of private stuff in there.

Seriously, I've arrived at much the same perspective. I found myself thinking that the notion of exclusivity might be fine if we were to pair of with just one person in the entirety of our lives, but since we're liable to love many people over the course of said lives, it became silly to me to limit myself to one person at any given time. Especially so, considering no one person might meet all of one's personal needs at any given time, it seems healthy to fulfill those other needs with other lovers, as the desire arises.

Alongside that, I've also reconsidered my feelings on the definition of love. What makes an infatuation any less relevant? Is it reasonable to wait or even actively seek true love? It all matters, and all matters equally.


This isn't to say I've become some big enemy of monogamy. One can't always help how one loves, I tend to think there are some people we can love and share with others without issue, while loving others excludes any notion of sharing them or one's own self.

[DakAttack]

Re: What's your pet peeve in RL?

We like having multiple partners, but we don't like our partners having multiple partners.

[Takelli]

Re: What's your pet peeve in RL?

e like having multiple partners, but we don't like our partners having multiple partners.

Maybe you like having multiple partners, but I'd rather have just one partner the rest of my life. I could happily live with the same person for a very long time, even the rest of my life. I can't stand the idea of cheating on the person I love, or even like to think about it.

[Raydeus]

Re: What's your pet peeve in RL?

Everyone is happy when you get the Harem ending. On all the other endings you have to break a few hearts here and there.

[Taskmage]

Re: What's your pet peeve in RL?

Maybe you like having multiple partners, but I'd rather have just one partner the rest of my life. I could happily live with the same person for a very long time, even the rest of my life. I can't stand the idea of cheating on the person I love, or even like to think about it.

On my way out the door, so asking more briefly than I'd like: Why? I mean I'm not saying there's anything wrong with it if it works for you, but what gives you the attitude that it's so bad to be with another person.

[Raydeus]

Re: What's your pet peeve in RL?

I think it really depends on the people involved and the situation. What is wrong in all this is cheating and betraying the trust of the person(s) you are supposed to love.

Other than that as long as you are honest whatever rocks your boat is fair game.

Problem is many people pretend to accept one way of viewing things when they do not. Or think they do only to discover they didn't and aren't honest enough to both talk about it with their loved one and accept the consequences of said honesty.

If you think you want to date other people when you advertised yourself as a monogamous (or vice versa) person then you have to go and say so, but you have to accept the fact that your significant other may not like that and end the relationship. And you have to accept and respect that.

If you can't then you'll probably end up cheating and doing all the other cowardly stuff related to it and pretty much making your life and the lives of others suck in the process.

[Takelli]

Re: What's your pet peeve in RL?

On my way out the door, so asking more briefly than I'd like: Why? I mean I'm not saying there's anything wrong with it if it works for you, but what gives you the attitude that it's so bad to be with another person.

I just have always had the attitude, and have been raised/taught that cheating on some one is bad. Having sex with a different partner other than your love, or current love is wrong in my view because sex is something that should be sacred between two people. Yes, I do have sexual thoughts about others, but I don't act on them, or do anything about it. Yes, I do look at other people, and I wont mind if she does as well. But sex between two people should be sacred, it can strengthen the relationship between the two, or completely destroy it.

I always have disliked the idea of cheating on another, and having friends with benefits, even if you aren't in a relationship. I find that sex is a sacred, and spiritual experience between two people. That doesn't mean you can't just have it just to have it, just so long as its with the one you love.

But, if you find that you love two people at the same time, you should put sex off until you find out which one you love more, and will be happier with, and the feeling for the other passes.

[Raydeus]

Re: What's your pet peeve in RL?

If you think just because you don't act on your impulses you can toss the cause of the issue under the rug you are going to get some nasty surprises later on. <_<;

[cidbahamut]

Re: What's your pet peeve in RL?

Yes, I do have sexual thoughts about others, but I don't act on them, or do anything about it.

Yes you do. It's called masturbation.

[Takelli]

Re: What's your pet peeve in RL?

If you think just because you don't act on your impulses you can toss the cause of the issue under the rug you are going to get some nasty surprises later on. <_<;

Just because I don't act on them, doesn't mean I don't just sweep the cause under the rug. I'll still talk to the person and what not, but I won't do anything that would cause her to want anything with me sexually, and if I do, I usually just tell them no. There is no need to have sex with some one other than your lover.

---------- Post added at 03:57 PM ---------- Previous post was at 03:56 PM ----------

Yes you do. It's called masturbation.

I don't think about anyone other than my love if I do. I honestly haven't. And if you don't believe me then fine.

[cidbahamut]

Re: What's your pet peeve in RL?

You are a very aberrant individual then.

[Takelli]

Re: What's your pet peeve in RL?

You are a very aberrant individual then.

Yea, I know I am. I don't like to think of my self to be hanging out with the "Normies" as I call everyone else, as they act the same, dress the same, and do everything the same basically.

[NightShayde]

Re: What's your pet peeve in RL?

Takelli -- if YOU think that sex is sacred and should only be done with the person YOU love, that's totally fine. Why should YOUR attitudes affect what people who have no intent to sleep with YOU?

I don't think there's anything "sacred" about sex -- largely because the idea of something being "sacred" implies that there's religion or some sort of deity involved. Since I don't follow an organized religion & don't believe there is a deity out there, I can look at sex as just sex.

Back in my wild college days, it was a form of recreation -- a way to relieve stress, get a little exercise, and most importantly have fun. There was definitely nothing "sacred" about it (people uttering "Oh my GOD" notwithstanding). Now that I'm married, it's something that I happily engage in with only my husband. I have no intention of cheating on him -- nothing to do with religion, but everything to do with it being part of a promise we made to each other when we got married.

Cheating is disrespectful -- but I don't think it's the "worst thing" one partner can do to another. I think abuse, whether physical, sexual, emotional, or mental is much worse. Treating a partner as property is much worse.

As long as everyone involved knows exactly what's going on & is ok with it, I see no problem with people having multiple partners.

Then again, one of my big pet peeves is people who try to make others live according to their beliefs rather than allowing people to live according to their own beliefs.