FFXI jokes

[Necropolis]

Re: FFXI jokes

You know you've been playing FFXI too long when...

-You try to prepare dinner with a Sapphire gem and a chunk of Rabbit meat but keep failing the synth.

-You've actually told someone at work 'brb wc'

-You wonder why everytime to you chat on AIM the print menu opens (Ctrl-P)

-Your /playtime for the last year was greater than your /reallifetime.

-When doing some home repairs you put on a necklace with peacock feathers, a pointy hat, and a belt with life imprinted on it for the added accuracy so you don't miss with the hammer.

-You look in your back pack and find a sac of crystals, cough drops (echo drops), organs from various animals near a silver obi, wooden sticks with beads on them, various keys you find, 3 pairs of pants, 2 gloves, 5 necklaces, 2 hats, 5 shirts, 3 pairs of shoes, a bow, a handful of earrings and rings, and a piece of silk thread.

-You wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat screaming '<call14> <call14> <call4>! Darter time!'

-You see a horizontally gifted person turn suddenly and think 'O shi-, she's gonna flail us'

-You go to the zoo but are dissapointed they havn't added Hippogryphs and Dhamels yet.

[Ziero]

Re: FFXI jokes

I take no credit for creating this joke, just repeating it


Also, bit of a warning. Slightly dirty joke ahead.


Two taru are sitting at the bar of a Bastokan Inn, relaxing from a long day of adventuring when suddenly two mithra walk in. The two taru decide to buy the mithra's drinks and started to hit things off. As the night went on and things got late, the two taru and the two mithra paired off and decided to spend the night together in seperate rooms.

The first taru took one of the mithra to his room where they talked a bit more and had a few more drinks, but when the time came to do the deed the little taru just couldn't get it up. The mithra tried comfort the taru who was visibly upset and embarrased by his sudden problem, insisting that it's never happened to him before. To make matters worse, he had to endure the sounds of his friend's actions next door, the mithra's voice clear as she repeatedly called out "Yes! Yes! Keep going! Almost there, almost there!" over and over again.


The next morning, the taru say their goodbye and head out together. While walking alone, the second taru asks the first how his night went.

The first taru replies "Bad, for some reason I just couldn't get it up, it was so embarrasing!"

The second taru looks at the first with a bit of shock and replies "You think that's embarrasing?! I couldn't even get into the bed!"

[Aksannyi]

Re: FFXI jokes

ADAPTED DRAGOON JOKES:

"If your porch collapses and it kills three wyverns, you might be a Dragoon."

"If you and your wyvern use the same tree, you might be a Dragoon."

"If you think hitting a rarab with your chocobo is fast food, you might be a Dragoon."

"If your sister had to have a 'Polearm Wedding,' you might be a Dragoon."

"If you watch Chocobo races just for the crashes, you might be a Dragoon."

"If you've ever used 'Polearm' as a euphemism for male genetalia, you might be a Dragoon."



Some of those were mine, some of them are modified from Jeff Foxworthy, and I can't think of any more.

[Akashimo]

Re: FFXI jokes

"If you've ever used 'Polearm' as a euphemism for male genetalia, you might be a Dragoon."

Lol, my Dynamis LS leader makes numerous references to that one XD

[Taskmage]

Re: FFXI jokes

/sigh and I have to settle for making references to my {Lust Dagger}. ._.

[WishMaster3K]

Re: FFXI jokes

Wow.

Ok, here's one.

There is a fly hovering a few inches over the water, and a Pugil is eying it greedily from beneath the surface. "If that Fly drops 4 inches.. I'll jump out the water and eat it."

Behind the Pugil is an Orc, who thinks to himself, "If that Fly drops 4 inches, the Pug will jump out the water, I'll hit the Pug and I'll have dinner.."

Behind the Orc is a farming THF. He thinks to himself, "If that Fly drops 4 inches, the Pugil will jump out the water, the Orc will attack the Pug, and I'll Sneak Attack the ORC for his drops."

Behind the THF is a Mithra DRG, who harbors a grudge against all THFs, and she has committed to take revenge. She thinks to herself, "If that Fly drops 4 inches, the Pugil will jump out the water, the Orc will get the Pug, the THF will SA the Orc and I'll be able to Jump him before he gets off Perfect Dodge."

So the fly drops 4 inches, the Pug gets the fly, the Orc gets the Pug, the THF SAs the Orc and as the DRG goes to High Jump the THF, he activates Flee and goes to his next kill, leaving the DRG with nowhere to land except the river, drenching her from head to tail.



The moral of this story?

Everytime a Fly drops 4 inches, there's guaranteed to be a wet pussy.

[Callisto]

Re: FFXI jokes

Winnar!

[Electricity Gone Human]

Re: FFXI jokes

Wishmaster wins this thread. XD

[Jarre]

Re: FFXI jokes

A Galka went for a job interview as a Blacksmith, the interviewer asked "Have you ever shoed a horse?"
The Galka replied "No, but i've told a donkey to f*&^ off."

[Jarre]

Re: FFXI jokes

A Elvan walked into a pub with a sweating chocobo under one arm and a sopping wet cat under the other and sat down at the bar.
"What can I get you?" asked the landlord.
"Pint of best bitter for me", said the Elvan.
"Stella", said the Chocobo, fanning itself with a beer mat. "Is it me, or is it hot in here?"
"Pint of Guinness and I'm not buying." snarled the cat, shaking the water off it's back.
"OK, that'll be six pound twenty, please guv." said the landlord.

The Elvan reached into his pocket, brought out the exact change and paid him.
Fifteen minutes later the landlord noticed their glasses were empty and asked, "Same again, guv?"
"No" said the Elvan, "I think I'll have a stella",
"And your, er - pets?"
"Pint of Stella", said the Chocobo. "And make sure it's ice-cold. It's roasting in here."
"I'll have a Pint of Guinness and I'm not f**&ing paying." said the cat. "And get me a towel, I'm soaking."
The landlord complied and said: "That'll be seven pound ten pence, please, guv."

The Elvan reached into his pocket, brought out the exact change and paid him.
An hour later their glasses were empty again and the landlord walked over to them and asked:
"What'll you have?"
"I'll have a vodka tonic", said the Elvan.
"Double brandy on the rocks", said the chocobo. "And make sure there's plenty of ice in it. I'm burning up!"
"Pint of Guinness and I'm still not paying." said the cat. "And get me another towel, this one's wringing wet!"
The landlord complied and said: "OK. That'll be nine pound twenty, please."

The Elvan reached into his pocket, brought out the exact change and paid him.
By now the landlord's curiosity had got the better of him and he asked:
"Why is it that every time I tell you the amount you owe you always have the exact change in you pocket?"
"I found this bottle on holiday in Mammok with a genie in it and she granted me three wishes."
The landlord was intrigued. "May I ask what they were?"
"Certainly", replied the Elvan. "My first wish was that I would always have the exact change in my pocket for anything I wanted to buy."
"That's a pretty clever wish. What were your other two wishes?"

"That's where I blew it. I asked for a really hot bird with long legs and a tight, wet pussy.

[WishMaster3K]

Re: FFXI jokes

LoL!!!

Nice Jarre.

[Electricity Gone Human]

Re: FFXI jokes

BWAHAHAHAHAH! Good one, Jarre!

[Akashimo]

Re: FFXI jokes

I motion we should just call this thread FFXI Adult Talk.

[Murphie]

Re: FFXI jokes

Is there any adult talk to have?

[Feba]

Re: FFXI jokes

There's the age old "how do tarus mate?" debate, because for some reason people can't imagine two cute things reproducing normally... even though everyone's heard the phrase "humping like bunnies".