Official bored at work / just shooting the shit / no rails to derail thread

[Aksannyi]

Re: Official bored at work / just shooting the shit / no rails to derail thread

Lol, and I thought it was like the cheesiest pun ever.

In other news, the chip in my front tooth just grew. Can't afford dental work, so I'm just gonna have to get used to it.

[Aksannyi]

Re: Official bored at work / just shooting the shit / no rails to derail thread

I am so bored, and I am so tired of being alone. I have been trying to get in touch with friends and have heard nothing back from anybody. I fucking give up. I guess I'm just meant to be alone.

Maybe it's my fault, maybe I push everybody away. Maybe even the fake smile I put on every day just to face the world isn't fooling anyone. Maybe everyone around me knows I'm as miserable as I actually am and they are afraid that if they get too close it'll be contagious. Fine whatever I give up I guess I don't need any friends eventually when all the bad shit gets to be too much no one will even care when I just slide off the face of the earth anyway.

[Taskmage]

Re: Official bored at work / just shooting the shit / no rails to derail thread

Maybe it's time you start going out alone. Just drink less and give yourself some time to sober up before driving anywhere. Sure something bad might happen but if you don't take any risks, nothing good is ever going to happen either.

Have you had any success finding psychiatric help?

[Aksannyi]

Re: Official bored at work / just shooting the shit / no rails to derail thread

I haven't.

I get into that cycle where I feel like crap and I vow to get help and then I feel better for a while and I feel like I don't really need it that much after all.

Really if I had one good friend to talk to I'd be at least 20% better just for having someone to actually listen and care. But the one person I shared everything with? The man who is the source of all my pain, the one I told I can't be his friend as long as he is with someone else because I just can't deal with seeing him with anyone else. Thinking about all the good times is fine, it's hard but I have good memories and I don't regret being with him or loving him. Thinking about him sharing things like that with another woman, though, that just tears me to shreds and brings me to my knees. I miss his friendship so fucking much, but I can't ... I just can't deal with that. It was one thing when he wasn't seeing anybody but now? I can't.

Maybe I should just go out somewhere. I have no money at all though - enough that if I went with friends and we shared some pitchers I'd be good to maybe buy one for the group and not feel like a mooch - not enough to go out alone. And who goes to a bar and doesn't buy anything? I guess if I could find some sort of free outing to go to. I don't know. I'm just bummed, I don't know where all of my friends are and why they won't answer me. And I've been trying not to go overboard with texting or facebooking but I'm like, why is no one answering me .... and do I call and ask wtf or do I leave these people alone because seriously, no responses to my texts (about 4 and one facebook message) in over a week? Is that excess for messaging people? People who are supposedly friends?

I don't get it. I don't get why I can't get people to respond to me when I am trying to make an effort to be friends. I understand I moved down here a few years ago and people had lives before I got here and friends before I got here but I can fit in with your other friends, if you'd introduce me. I'm not going to steal your friends from you, I'm not going to cause drama or bullshit, I just want to have fun and be surrounded by people instead of cooped up in my apartment and to and from work (with people I don't really care a whip about, to be honest) and that's my only human interaction besides the lady at the grocery store?

Maybe moving here was a huge mistake. Maybe moving here was stupid, maybe that's why I met this great guy to whom I was ready to give my whole fucking world only to lose it all right when I was at the pinnacle of happiness out of the three decades of my life. Maybe this was my punishment for moving here away from the people who made me miserable up north who just happened to be related to me. I don't know. I tried to make a life for myself and I'm trying so hard but as Whitney Houston sings in Run to You, "What's the sense, in trying hard to find your dreams, without someone to share it with, tell me what does it mean?"

I don't know what to do anymore. I wish you guys lived around here. No doubt some of you wouldn't like me and I don't blame you because most of you guys see the worst side of me (for lack of having anyone else to share it with) but those of you who do seem to care I wish I could be friends with in real life.

Blaghasdlkajsdf fuck I am rambling. Sorry. I just don't fucking get it. I just don't.

[Taskmage]

Re: Official bored at work / just shooting the shit / no rails to derail thread

I just watched an adorable little girl straight-up murder a dozen guys in cold blood and not only was not disturbed in the slightest but I was not quite but seriously almost turned on by the experience. What is wrong with me and the culture that spawned me?

[Nandito]

Re: Official bored at work / just shooting the shit / no rails to derail thread

Yeah, Kick-Ass was fun.

SWITCH TO KRYPTONIIITE~

[Aksannyi]

Re: Official bored at work / just shooting the shit / no rails to derail thread

Ugh you had to bring up Kick Ass.

(Only movie guy and I ever watched together ...)

(Reaches for another beer...)

[Taskmage]

Re: Official bored at work / just shooting the shit / no rails to derail thread

Ugh you had to bring up Kick Ass.

(Only movie guy and I ever watched together ...)

fffffffffffffffffffffffffff

[Aksannyi]

Re: Official bored at work / just shooting the shit / no rails to derail thread

You couldn't have known.

I'm pretty wasted at the moment, hockey games are a good enough occasion to drink, sadly my friend never did call back but a friend called (after I texted and asked him if he got my text at all to test if my phone was working since no one had texted me in like two weeks) who doesn't live too close by and talked to him for a while, sucks we couldn't hang out. I'm just coasting through life, honestly if I had the money I'd probably drink a lot more than this, as it is, I shouldn't have even spent the money on this six pack, but whatever, tonight was rough and I needed it. Which I know is a dangerous road to go down. I am spellchecking everyfuckingthing tonight, holy fuckballs.

I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm still mad at my friend for not responding to me and I've determined that my texts are being sent and received to other recipients so it's just him, which means yes I am being ignored and I don't like it. I don't know if I should call him and be like wtf man what's this bullshit or just let it go but right now it's kind of late and I think it's rude to call anyone (so I won't) and by tomorrow I'll be sober enough to think that it's a bad idea because I just don't call people usually except if they call me first.

Bolts won, at least, the game was pretty much the only thing keeping me alive tonight, it was something to distract me enough to keep me away but it's getting harder and harder to find ways to keep myself from doing something that will end my life and honestly I'm not sure it even matters anymore, I mean what, one friend left now? That's stellar. I guess I'll stick around for his birthday next Friday night, he's turning 30, I'll be there for him for that, so I guess that's another thing keeping me here, I guess at worst I just have to find excuses to stick around because I just don't care anymore for myself, I'm here for the sake of other people at this point, and those other people are dwindling and dwindling away...

Good god I am drunk. Good thing my coordination is as good as a squirrel's right now, I mean assuming theirs is bad, I don't really know, but they're kind of fidgety right? Maybe a chipmunk or something, I don't know. My coordination sucks right now is what I'm trying to say. Even if I were to try I'd get nowhere because I'm too blitzed to succeed so no worries about me tonight, I'll finish the next beer and pass out for the night, crisis averted, for now.

---------- Post added at 11:49 PM ---------- Previous post was at 11:46 PM ----------

Also it takes forever to post replies to this thread, the others are damn near instant.

And motherfucker I am horny as all shit, fuck. If my friend had called and wanted to go out I probably would have ended up sleeping with him, I guess it's good he didn't call then. Fuccccccccck. Battery operated friend ftw.

---------- Post added at 11:50 PM ---------- Previous post was at 11:49 PM ----------

Also it takes forever to post replies to this thread, the others are damn near instant.

And motherfucker I am horny as all shit, fuck. If my friend had called and wanted to go out I probably would have ended up sleeping with him, I guess it's good he didn't call then. Fuccccccccck. Battery operated friend ftw.

[Taskmage]

Re: Official bored at work / just shooting the shit / no rails to derail thread

Sometimes getting hammered off your ass is a good reset button on your mood.

PiNG said he moved the site to a cloud service recently. If things are responding slightly differently it's probably because of that.

[Aksannyi]

Re: Official bored at work / just shooting the shit / no rails to derail thread

It's just this thread. The others reply instantly but this one takes forfuckingever and it also ends up attempting to double post and takes me to the "post reply" screen (NOT the quick reply screen) and says "You must wait 30 seconds before posting again" which is how I managed to double post that last part I guess.

Maybe because this thread is the biggest one on the forum? That'd be my guess.

[Murphie]

Re: Official bored at work / just shooting the shit / no rails to derail thread

It's probably time for a new megathread?

[Aksannyi]

Re: Official bored at work / just shooting the shit / no rails to derail thread

752 pages of awesome, I think it may be time. OFFICIAL BORED AT WORK/DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS/TRYING NOT TO OFF YOUR SELF THREAD

AMIRITE

Blarhaglkjg g nonsensical words dude I am saying these things as I type them, no filter (as per usual but a lot more backspace) so ignore me if I'm being asinine. Doesn't matter if I'm drunk or not I never spell asinine right the first time.

[Taskmage]

Re: Official bored at work / just shooting the shit / no rails to derail thread

I assumed that at some point the forum software would break or otherwise force us to lock and restart. I'm surprised it hasn't happened yet.

[Aksannyi]

Re: Official bored at work / just shooting the shit / no rails to derail thread

It's more like in its elderly years, slowly chugging along, begging the state of Florida to just TAKE THEIR GODDAMN LICENSE AWAY, yes suck analogy but you get what I mean right?

I wouldn't be opposed to another thread, probably not with my proposed title though, I mean, that's kind of Aks-centric and while I'm pretty awesome when I'm not worthless piece of shit, (lies), you wouldn't want to name your thread that, thus condoning things such as offing yourself.

The "drunk off your ass" part though, that shit should stay. I like it better than "just shooting the shit" tbh.

---------- Post added at 12:19 AM ---------- Previous post was at 12:14 AM ----------

Amazingly, btw, I haven't texted Guy (I'll call him that, you know who I'm talking about) even though I'm quite drunk. It's amazing, usually what resolve a person has is dissolved while drinking but I stayed strong through this, somehow.

I still can't bring myself to remove him (or any of the texts between us, especially the ones I "locked") from my phone. Or facebook, but he rarely posts so it's not that hard to ignore him there. If he ever does post, I can block his posts from my feed without defriending him ... I just can't bring myself to defriend him or delete him from my phone ... even though every time I see him it brings me pain. I can't accept it truly being over, I guess when I delete him that will be me accepting it ...

Dammit ...