Official bored at work / just shooting the shit / no rails to derail thread

[Aksannyi]

Re: Official bored at work / just shooting the shit / no rails to derail thread

I mentioned a while ago that his ex-wife had moved out long before he and I even met, she was just being incredibly stubborn about signing the papers. She dragged it out for like five years I think.

Point taken, though. I'm already beating myself up over this, so kicking me while I'm down isn't really necessary, though I appreciate your brutal Feba-ish honesty.

[Omgwtfbbqkitten]

Re: Official bored at work / just shooting the shit / no rails to derail thread

Mate is South-American, if I remember correctly. Traditionally collected from the rain forests. It tastes like grass when plain, but doesn't taste bad.

Well, that's technically true, but there's so many fusions and hybrid teas in there its hard to keep them straight once you leave. Raspberry Riot is an Argentinean blend, apparently.

I was gonna try the Earl Grey Creme, but decided to try it some other time in favor of a different flavor. It also struck me that Earl Grey is so strong the way it is and I've acquired that taste that I'm unsure I want to go against it, though I have dunked a bag in when a brew the usual brand of iced tea, just to give it an extra kick.

[Armando]

Re: Official bored at work / just shooting the shit / no rails to derail thread

Been there Aks (except for the divorce thing, I'm too young for that shit.) It sucks, hope you feel better. Also:

He probably knows that, though, and used my vulnerability to get in my pants, which I guess is fine because I can't say any other guy wouldn't have done the same thing and I just flat out don't fucking care anymore.

There are guys that don't do this. Just because 90% of people are assholes it doesn't mean this is OK guy behavior.

[Aksannyi]

Re: Official bored at work / just shooting the shit / no rails to derail thread

I know this. I was just not in a spectacular frame of mind when I wrote that. Especially when it comes to men.

[Feba]

Re: Official bored at work / just shooting the shit / no rails to derail thread

Feba is watching a Japanese equivalent of Are You Smarter than a Fifth Grader.

One of the games is giving items, and you have to guess what category they're in.

They always start with two, and then give more hints later.

First two hints: "Obama", "Gorbachev"

I instantly say, "COMMUNISTS?"


/then they were all "Al Gore"

[Aksannyi]

Re: Official bored at work / just shooting the shit / no rails to derail thread

So we had the talk.

Everything I heard was pretty much what I expected. I just lost my best friend, because I told him I did not want to see him again, that I couldn't, wouldn't deal with him and some other woman.

My heart................

[Taskmage]

Re: Official bored at work / just shooting the shit / no rails to derail thread

There's nothing I can say. I have only ponies to offer you.

Twilight Stocking

Nice human Dash

Friggin Minecraft @_@

[Murphie]

Re: Official bored at work / just shooting the shit / no rails to derail thread

Man, that gif of Pinkie is creepy. But that's straight out of the show.

If I could get an animated gif of Rarity being dragged along I might just change mine.



EDIT: (tho too large)

[Aksannyi]

Re: Official bored at work / just shooting the shit / no rails to derail thread

On another note, after he left, I texted my friend guy (the one I went out with the other night) and asked him if he wanted to hang out since I just wanted to get the hell out of my apartment, and he did, and there was no weirdness. I flirted like I always do, (that's just me) and I offered him to come back upstairs, but he has to work tomorrow morning.

I don't know, I guess he's just safe. I don't feel like I'd be able to care about him in such a way that if we were to get involved that I'd ever be hurt that badly. But the good thing was that we're still able to be friends even after we had random unexpected sex.

---------- Post added at 10:50 PM ---------- Previous post was at 09:55 PM ----------

Wow, even watching MLP isn't cheering me up. Not good.

[Taskmage]

Re: Official bored at work / just shooting the shit / no rails to derail thread

DRG/PNY

[Armando]

Re: Official bored at work / just shooting the shit / no rails to derail thread

Hah. The other day I was thinking of drawing an entire FFT team with the ponies. But my Lancer was going to be Rainbow Dash. It's the most logical choice.

[cidbahamut]

Re: Official bored at work / just shooting the shit / no rails to derail thread

I think that one's supposed to be Kain in pony form as much as it's supposed to be Apple Jack.

[Aksannyi]

Re: Official bored at work / just shooting the shit / no rails to derail thread

Musings....

So ....

I'm feeling ... better. Maybe I was prepared for this somewhere deep down but refused to listen. Or maybe the fact that it had been so long that we'd been "together" that ... I don't know. It still hurts. Still to think about some other woman and the way he just jumped into this other relationship so soon after his divorce when he told me he wanted to do the exact opposite ... that still really fucks me up. And it gets worse, apparently she's moving in. Damn. Talk about rushing things? But when I talked to him I told him that I hoped he was happy, and I meant it. And I told him to take care of himself, I kissed him, and I told him I loved him, which is something I vowed I'd never do. And then I let him go.

It was hard ... very hard. But I did what I had to do. I can't be friends with him after this. Maybe if time heals the wounds and I manage to move on eventually I could, but I don't know if I will ever be able to see him with another woman and not feel my heart just crush inside of me. But if he is happy with her, then I hope it works out.

And for the first time, I actually identified with his ex-wife. She still loves him, too, and she was married to him for nearly twenty years. (More proof that marrying young is stupid.) They have kids together, though, so she has to stay in touch with him. She actually has to deal with seeing him with this other woman. I don't envy that at all. I didn't like her when I met her and I don't like the way she treated him while they were splitting up, and I definitely don't think that "my" guy was faultless, but I can definitely feel for her in this one. At least I can make a clean break. And the fact that I can even look at this with even the smallest shred of optimism means something, for sure.

And then on to my friend. Not gonna lie, and I'm not sure if this is just the broken heart/rebound talking, but I do kind of like him. I mean, I kind of always did, you know? But I was with the other guy, and even when I wasn't, I still loved him and held on to him and the thought of being with someone else didn't feel right. But I won't deny that sure, I always wondered what it would be like. And I'm like, all mixed up now. Because I wonder if I should have never gotten with the first guy and maybe been with this guy the whole time. Or maybe I needed to get my heart broken to realize that my friend is actually a good guy. And to look at him as something other than a friend, maybe.

I'm not blind, I know that the other night was not magically the first time he'd ever thought about sleeping with me. Yeah, duh, he's a guy, but I'm a very sexual person, I'm flirtatious and I'm open about sexuality. I know that he found that appealing. I just never really allowed myself to see it because I was with the first guy. And maybe I never allowed myself to see everything else with the first guy. I mean, the last week of our friendship, I started to wonder, to suspect, but before that, I never considered another woman. Because he'd told me he wasn't interested in another relationship.

He sure got me good, ha ha ha ha ha. /sarcasm.

I don't think he meant to hurt me. I asked him, "Did you feel anything at all for me?" He said there were feelings, yes, nothing like what I felt for him, but there were some feelings there. The full extent of those, I'll probably never know, but at least I know that it wasn't completely meaningless. Does that mean anything? I'm not even sure at this point.

I am feeling better. I stayed up last night listening to music and skipping anything too depressing and anything by Dierks Bentley because we saw him after a Rays game once and I can't hear a song by him without thinking about him. And I started to feel something I never thought I'd feel:

I am not ready to die.

Big change from the way I was before, right? But I'm not going to let this defeat me. And maybe it's some sense of vindication, that I can't let him win or something and he'll just wish he hadn't let me go, sure, that's part of it, but I don't know. Every ending is a new beginning, right? Maybe there's still something. I don't know.

I do know that I have to think about getting a new ride though. I no longer have my free mechanic to do all of my truck work. Which definitely sucks, but that wasn't the reason I was friends with him.

I've been trying to erase him from my life. The fingerprints he'd left over the headboard of my bed from a particularly rowdy encounter ... I wiped those away last night. The fingerprints he left on my soul will be much harder to get rid of, but I guess I'll just keep on scrubbing.

I'm still feeling pretty lost. And I still can't believe that I'm never going to feel his arms around me again. But I don't feel like I want to end everything. I don't think that transferring my feelings for one guy over to my friend is going to be a good thing, and I'm definitely not trying to do that, but I think with his help I'll be able to get out more and forget about the way I had my heart ripped right the fuck out of my chest and stomped on. We'll see.

I'm not sure how I should play it with my friend. I'm not sure he would even want anything. For now, though, I'm just going to try to have fun and forget about my ex-guy. And pray - that he's all right, that he is happy, and that I will be.

No, I still do not want a blog. I actually would like feedback from those here who are willing to give it. At least I am spoilering the long shit, right?

[Taskmage]

Re: Official bored at work / just shooting the shit / no rails to derail thread

Glad you're feeling better. Dusting yourself off and moving on is the most healthy attitude you can take about something like this. I wouldn't trust your feelings on your other man friend for a while. Play it platonic for a couple months at least or until you can think about your ex without intense emotion, otherwise you'd just be projecting those old feelings onto the new relationship and making it harder to evaluate objectively. You should probably work out for yourself exactly what it is you want out of a man. Clearly sex is a factor, but you seem to be really down on marriage while craving commitment and exclusivity. That kind of conflict really needs to get sorted out.

[Aksannyi]

Re: Official bored at work / just shooting the shit / no rails to derail thread

I'm not entirely against the idea of marriage, I just do not want to do anything retarded like rush into it. If I get married again, I plan to proceed with extreme caution.