OMFG kids are crazy @_@

[Taskmage]

So, my 4 year old hasn't eaten anything in nearly 2 days because he "doesn't like" the food we're serving him (that he's never tried). So, I'm making him sit at the table until he finishes his bowl of this awesome beef stew my mom made. He decides to up the stakes by taking the bowl into his room and spooning it out under his bed. >< We've been through this before and I'm not having it, so I spoon the now-linty stew back into his bowl and we move up to an eating-or-spanking policy. I stare him down as he eats at least one of every object in the bowl, exclaiming with newfound surprise with each new thing that "this is really good!", so I figure I can leave him be for a minute while I go kill a sapling to let off some steam and hopefully learn Sprout Smack.

Which I do. No Sprout Smack. Now I'm on my way back to check on him since by this time he should have finished off the bowl, but on my way there I find my 3 year old surrounded by broken glass. They'd cracked a window in their room playing rough a while back, and he decided to take off the cardboard patch and remove all the shards of glass to be toys. Because of course, clear dagger-like objects are way more fun than the mountain of trucks and blocks and stuff that family's bought them over the years.

I have the token freakout, shoo them out of the room, clean up the glass and patch the window again, and what do I find when I get back to my computer? One of them took advantage of the chaos to sneak in here and attack a T mandy for me. He said "mji ttrr5326" before engaging, which I assume was supposed to be a battle cry, but alas the turnip was just too strong for my poor unbuffed, absentee blue mage.

And it's not even lunchtime yet ... @_@

[Ayrlie]

Re: OMFG kids are crazy @_@

Get down to child's level, always make eye contact, and give him a very stern voice.

If he misbehaves, send him (don't bring the food) to a corner (away from the door and not in his bedroom) that you can easily monitor, and sit him face first in the corner and do not speak to him for 4 minutes (if he leaves corner, quietly put him back there and walk away without speaking a word). Don't hesitate to take away his toys and video games.

Hide all snacks out of the child's reach (treat snacks as if they are medicines) and only give them as a reward.

at dinner table, give him serving portions no larger than his fist size, and give him a requirement of how many bites of that serving he must eat.

[Rodin]

Re: OMFG kids are crazy @_@

I've gone through this with my little brother. Your kids won't listen when they get empty threats. Honestly, spanking is a good deterrent for bad behavior. But if you don't want to spank your kids, what you do is break one of their toys, and throw it away. You need to prove to them that your threats aren't empty, and when you tell them something, you're not playing. Most people have problems doing this. I work at a mall, and I see TONS of temper tantrums. I'd offer them some advice, but people seem to have this "YOU HAVE NO EXPERIENCE RAISING A CHILD, SHUT THE HELL UP!!!" ego thing going on. I'm 19, and I basically helped raise my little brother, and I know all about what can happen. If you don't discipline your kid, they will never listen to you. And if you cave in every time they have a tantrum, they'll have a tantrum every time, to get what they want. I see soooo many 4 year olds calling the shots on their parents. I know how my parents raised me, and I turned out to be smart, respectful, funny, and a good listener. I'm not saying beat your kids, but I'm not saying go out and whip their asses. Honestly, discipline, physical or otherwise, is NECESSARY.

The next time your kid does something you don't want; say, touching the PC.

Tell him: Don't touch it.

He obviously won't listen.

Then you grab one of his toys, and say: Don't touch it, or I'll break your toy.

They'll think it's an empty threat, and touch it again.

Break the toy and throw it away.

They'll obviously cry for a while, because you broke their toy. But they sure as HELL won't touch your PC again, for fear of losing another toy.

Some might say this is cruel. I say, you bought the toy. The ones who say it's cruel, probably also drag their kids kicking and screaming through the mall, because they woulnd't take the kid into the toy store. Honestly, fuck those kinds of people, they're not helping society by not disciplining their children.

Now, you probably weren't expecting that, but I just had to interject my opinon. ;>.>

[Taskmage]

Re: OMFG kids are crazy @_@

I've made the threat of throwing away toys if he didn't clean his room or something and he asked if I could do that instead. He actually asked if I could do that instead, because he didn't want to clean his room. So, taken by surprise, I actually started picking stuff up and putting them in a box to throw away. Then, to further my surprise, he actually started helping and picking up toys to put in the box and throw away, effectively doing what he was supposed to in the first place. The box went into the garage with the trash and are still there. I was too confused to know if I should reward him or punish him in that situation so the toys are just sitting there in toy purgatory right now.

Double Post Edited:
Whee let's see how many times I can say "actually" in a single post!

[Rodin]

Re: OMFG kids are crazy @_@

Then I'd say a good spanking is in order. If not, there's always the standing outside in a pink shirt while holding the buckets of water in the cross position. That one works a lot better than standing in the corner. I remember doing that one when I was four years old, lol. Much better alternative to spanking. But if not, I'd say the spanking is the best.

[Taskmage]

Re: OMFG kids are crazy @_@

Pink shirt, huh? Unfortunately, I don't think he's developed enough gender identity or fashion sense to be bothered by the shirt.

My wife used to be totally against spanking or hitting of any kind, but that seems to be the only punishment left that the 4 year old respects, and the little one, who's a bit behind on verbal skills, doesn't understand feedback more complicated than a slap on the hand.

Arylie - Good advice, we've implemented all of that. Unfortunately, we've had to go a step farther and keep an eye on our trash and yard. Our kids are so stubborn they'd rather look there for nourishment than do whatever it is we're trying to make them do. I swear they get it from their mom.

[Rodin]

Re: OMFG kids are crazy @_@

The thing is, you need to make fun of him a little bit, he'll get embarrassed. My grandfather would laugh at me when he saw me doing this. And I remembered hating pink for a long time, lol. But still, it's not very emotionally scarring, and it has results.

I could go into Classical Conditioning, that would have the most pronounced and fastest resulsts, but it would involve screwing with his mind a bit, and I don't want you doing that to a child, lol.

[Jarre]

Re: OMFG kids are crazy @_@

Well here in the Uk you cannot spank or hit a child for punishment any more or you'd be locked up, great rule NOT!!! Now we ahve all young chavs running about causing mayhem because allt eh punishment they can get is a shouting at or toys taken away which leads to tantrums etc. I am not a parent yet, and at the moment how this country is turning out, i don't really feel like bringing someone up in this twisted world we have, it was bad enough having to runa round after 9, 1-3 year olds this weekend at my brothers for my nephews 3rd bday party, bouncy castle swings etc. Fighting fires and cutting poeple out of cars is such a walk in the park compared to looking after kids.

Although many groups are against the "spanking" aspect, sometimes its the only thing that kids actually take note of. in my country kids have no respect for anyone and its why there has been a 10 fold increase over the last 3 years of youth related problems in the street and at schools. we are having a teacher shortage because no one wants to put up with "brats" as one Teachers union representitive quoted in a news interview.

As for the removing of glass bit....
Not wanting to to compare or disagree with anyones parenting, but it sounds to me that the kids arn't getting enough attention, they have a habit of doing things like this, alot of the worst offenders are kids whos parents don't give them any time, I know too many areas where I have to attend house fire that this is the case, we have had stones and bricks thrown at us when we put a car fire out last week and the police can't do anything.

We attended a house fire a couple of years ago, a 4 year old had set light to his bed playing with matches because he was bored, one of my crew pulled him out of teh bedroom unconcious, paraedics managed to save his life. we attended the hosue with social services and a special police officer after to interview the kid (its part of the reducing arson campaign we are currently running) what we managed to asertain was hat he was left in his room on his own all the time with little contact with his parents who were drinking in the lounge and watching Tv, they spent hardly any time with him, he had managed to get hold of a box of matches and decided to play with them because he was bored, setting alight his bedding.

The question i'd ask is that as the kid is so young do you think you spend enough time with them? This ain't a stab at how good/bad a parent you are (please don't take this the wrong way as I am just providing a suggestion to consider), its just a suggestion to think about why they are being like this. From my experience of incidents we have attended and kids on the local council estate, kids breaking, setting fire to things etc, their attitude similar to how you described it, was due to their parents not spending enough time with them, I hope you spend alot of time with your kids because they need that commitment at their age, they need someone there to advise, disapline, teach etc.

As for the food issue well, what do they enjoy eating and can you mix some of the things they refuse to eat with things they like i.e. eat teh things they hate first then they can eat the bits they like, my parents did this with me for sprouts, I hate them, they used to give me 6 sprouts and told me to eat them first, then I could eat the rest of the meal that i liked, reversed phycology i think its refered to.

Anyways I'm hoping the grandmom would spread her pearls of wisdom here from her experience. though Rodin, breakign their toys ain't going to help, putting them away until they behave is more feasable, as you'll only have to buy them more toys to keep them occupied during your infrequent breaks from them.

[Murphie]

Re: OMFG kids are crazy @_@

My mother used to break some of my things when she was angry with me for misbehaving. I held it against her forever. I wouldn't recommend it as a long-term solution for making positive changes in your child's behavior. Short term? Sure. Long term? Prepare for therapy.

[Taskmage]

Re: OMFG kids are crazy @_@

I'll grant that I should probably spent more time with my kids. I think that statement is pretty much always going to be true regardless of how much time I spend with them. But the little one who was messing with the glass is just fast. He'll pull a serving bowl off the kitchen counter, for instance, in the 30 seconds it takes me to walk into the next room and set dishes on the table.

The oldest figured out this scheme early on to cause a loud, quick mess somewhere and then go make some quiet mischief elsewhere while I'm cleaning the first one up. When his little brother got old enough, they started doing it in teams. O_o; That's usually when chaos like this happens. One will misbehave while my attention is fixed on the other or I'm busy with something that needs to get done.

I'm not really worried about their behavior because I don't think there's any worrisome intent to what they do. My sister when we were growing up would always "act out" to get attention, even if that attention is negative. I don't think the kids are doing this to demand my attention, I think they're just very obstinant when their opinions of what they should and should not do contradict mine, which is perfectly normal.

[DakAttack]

Re: OMFG kids are crazy @_@

I've had my fair share of "raising" kids from age five to their teens. Essentially, it's important for parents to play "Good Cop, Bad Cop" except neither parent is always one or the other. When a child can look upon one parent unfavoringly, they can then look upon the examples set forth by the other in a more open minded manner. If at least one parent can get in good with the child at any given time it's easier to control them, though it still might be difficult. Eventually you blur the lines between the Good and Bad with both parents becoming firm and resolute, and the child is left with the ability to see, listen, and the willingness to understand both parents.

I think anything I say where I'm not complaining about the children themselves plays down the fact that they can be extremely difficult and frustrating to deal with. As long as you're continuously pushing and standing firm in your morals, the child should grow up to be fine(fine being anything that doesn't burden society).

[Taodyn]

Re: OMFG kids are crazy @_@

Two words: Stun gun.

Think about it.

Child>> No, Daddy. I don't want to.

*ZAP*

Father>> Perhaps some quiet time on the floor will help you understand my perspective.

*ZAP*

Father>> And that's for the time you peed on me.

[Murphie]

Re: OMFG kids are crazy @_@

Two words: Stun gun.

Think about it.

Child>> No, Daddy. I don't want to.

*ZAP*

Father>> Perhaps some quiet time on the floor will help you understand my perspective.

*ZAP*

Father>> And that's for the time you peed on me.

My uncle once offered me 20 dollars to let him stun me with his stun gun. I didn't take it though.

He didn't really like me much.

[Taodyn]

Re: OMFG kids are crazy @_@

Nothing says love like 20,000 volts.

[TheGrandMom]

Re: OMFG kids are crazy @_@

Ok, let's do a mock dinner/lunch/breakfast setup. Whatever meal is being made do you involve the child in it? Even at 3 yrs old my grandson carries items to the table and helps set it. We give him napkins to fold in half and place at each persons spot. We also incorporate counting as an additional learning tool. Of course, after they accomplish a task we take the time to look at it and praise them, even if it is a mess! LOL This helps children learn chores and become involved in the family meals in a positive way. If they go to the table with a positive attitude then they are more open to suggestions, such as eating a new item even if its only a bite. Later on as they get older you can involve them in the actual cooking process. This really helps you out in the end when they are older and make a small meal for themselves when you absolutely don't have the time.

Now yes, this does make mealtime take longer. You could easily get this stuff done by yourself in half the time. And sometimes its hard not to get frustrated if they start goofing off while doing it. But part of a parents job is being a TEACHER! It takes a lot of patience but the rewards in the end are great.

Ok now the table is set and the food is on it, what happens next? Do you all sit down at the dinner table with smiles and bright cheery voices and encourage them to eat it all up or at least try it? Do you engage in conversation about what they will do today or what they have done today? Do you talk about something they are interested in and distract them from what they are eating and hopefully they'll eat along without a fuss?

Do you have some NON food reward system? One of the things that my children really liked was a trip to a huge park by the lake we lived on. So I made a chart with a ladder and used cut outs of She-Ra and He-Man (their favorites at the time LOL) to climb the ladders to the park. They would get to go up a rung on the ladder if they did well at a meal but if they did not then they went down a rung. Now I had it planned so that there were 16 rungs on the ladder. I started it on Monday morning breakfasts and if they did well all week then on Saturday there was a trip to the park. Now sometimes my daughter would make it to the top by Saturday morning breakfast but my son would be down a rung or two. Then we would talk with our daughter and say that we would let Steven catch up by Sunday and then we would all go to the park but if he didn't, then she got a trip to the park with one parent while the other sat home with our son. Of course, there were times we changed the objective from the park to the zoo or to the movies, this helped keep it fresh.

All kids go through a "fussy" period in the eating cycle. My son was HORRENDOUS and I would often go into the bathroom and cry because I felt I was failing as a mother. Always remember that they will eat if they get hungry enough and they will not drop dead (which was one of my dreams back then). But one of the things you must do is NOT give them anything between meals as a reward. If they don't eat but you see an afternoon snack as a time to stuff them with something they will eat and give them a pile of graham crackers....well that just tells them if the don't eat not to worry cause I'll get something yummy later on. So no inbetween meal snacks to make yourself feel better! Of course, never penalize the other kids for eating well, they should get their snack. Watch closely though because there could be a little snack stealing attempt!

And always praise praise praise! Whatever child does well they should get a hug and heaps of praise. Remember they want your POSITIVE attention but when you don't give it they will do something negative to get your attention. Yes it might be yelling or spanking but at least they have your attention now. Average kids do negative things to test boundaries but children that do negative things over and over are just crying out for attention.

As for boundaries, you must have rules. Kids need them. Simple ones are no slapping, kicking, or hitting anyone with anything at any time. This is negative behavior. One of the things that reinforces this behavior in children is spanking. If you hit them, why can't they hit others? While I am not one of the people that believes in absolutely no spanking, I do believe that the instances when it is used should be extremely rare! If you raise your kids right from the start with lots of love, hugs, praise, attention, boundaries, rewards, and have a NON PHYSICAL punishment system, there will be very rare instances where you have to use some type of physical punishment. Why? Because your children will have boundaries and tend not to cross them because they already receive a lot of positive attention from you and don't feel the need to get the negative attention. But on the occasion that they do need some physical reinforcement, you need to explain to them before you do it why you are doing it and you must also incorporate hugs.

Something else to teach your children that is VERY important is how to say a sincere "I'm sorry" after they've done something wrong. After your punishment (either physical or non-physical), you need to ask them for an apology. No snotty apologies are accepted. Make sure you say something like "do you know why I put you in the time out corner?" and let them answer and correct them if they are wrong. (Also you should always tell them BEFORE a punishment why they are getting punished so they should already know why.) After they say why, you say something like "Yes that is right and I don't want you to do that again ok? Now say you are sorry to me (and/or to any other person that may have been involved.)" After the apology, you give them a big hug and you say "I love you". One of the things I always told my kids, and I thank the stars I did, was "I will always love you. I may not like some of the things that you do or say but I will never stop loving you." I found out when my children became adults that saying that to them on a regular basis saved me a lot of headaches. They told me there were times when they had choices to make that they knew I wouldn't approve of and then they would hear that little saying in their heads. That helped them decide not to do some of the things they were tempted to do. Love is a very very strong thing indeed!

I've had my fair share of "raising" kids from age five to their teens. Essentially, it's important for parents to play "Good Cop, Bad Cop" except neither parent is always one or the other.

I so ENTIRELY disagree with this! Both parents should provide a solid front! If one parent shows a chink in the armor than the kids will know they can play one parent off the other. I had this problem with my husband. I was the authority and he was the good guy. This created a lot of anomosity in our marriage and gave the kids a lot of opportunity to get alway with stuff because one of us gave a different outlook on it. When you both agree on punishments and rules, they have no where to go but down the right road. If you don't provide a united front then its going to be harder to get them in line when you need them to be down the road. I know, I lived it.