Doormat syndrome? One Taru's experience...

[Kitalrez]

I thought I'd relate the following experience to the rest of you and see if anyone else has ever had to deal with something like this:

Ok, so I'm fishing in Bastok Mines today, with /anon off, mentor flag up, and a little mission flag indicating my interest in doing 5-1, (Yes, overly optimistic, I know). I've turned down about 6 offers to do teleports for people because I'm just a few copper frogs away from enough guild points for that robber rig I've been wanting. Just as I get the final frog and am listing my glass rod at the AH, I get the following tell:

"Hi, can I plz plz have a Teleport: Holla? I'm soo close to finishing DRG!"

Ok, I figure I'm going to warp myself back to Jeuno anyway after this, a little detour wouldn't hurt. Also, this guy seems to be really in need, I'll make his day with a free ride so he can get his dragoon flag.

It goes a little downhill from here, after I group with him he says he needs a ride to Mea instead. Alright, I think, I promised him a free ride so I can deal with a change of plans. Plus the Crag of Mea's close enough to the fishing guild. At Mea, he asks me to wait and offers to pay me. (No, he didn't say how much, and I didn't ask since I was gonna refuse payment anyway after the Holla port). I figure it's going to be a short wait, maybe he's meeting someone he needs to help him with the dragon. So, I run off and do some free raises while I wait, all the time making idle chatter about what it was like when I got my dragoon flag, etc. As I finish, I notice he's in Meraphataud Mtns. When I ask what's up, I get the following:

"Yeah, I forgot this part, you know this'd go a lot faster if you meet me here at (K-8)".

And here's where the third red flag goes off and I realize I've been conned. Let's review:
Red Flag 1: I'm noticing how the "help" I'm offering seems to be getting more and more involved here, and I'm getting roped into something way bigger than I ever intended. We've just hit a point where it's going to start costing me gil for a chocobo instead of just time and mp. What else am I going to be asked to ante here?
Red Flag 2: After porting him, he offers to pay me. He didn't pay in the first place, and I figured he was desperate so I didn't ask or expect it. Suddenly, he's got money to burn. Obviously, he didn't really need the free teleport, either. I've now gone from just some random nice guy, to an incredibly cheap mercenary. I really don't like that role. :mad:
Red Flag 3: He gave me the exact coordinates of the DRG quest stage. This strongly implies that he's using a quest guide, since the in-game text doesn't mention map positions. If you're using a step by step guide, how exactly do you skip a stage like this?

There are probably some other clues in there, (Addressing me in l33tsp33k to ask for help, questioning me about the details of the quest when he didn't have assistance, etc), but I stopped at 3.

At this point, I type out: "I'm sorry, I'm not willing to do that, but I do wish you luck". Disband. Shortly afterwards, I blacklist him, as I'm now almost positive he's gonna try talking me into rejoining and doing the rest of the quest for him. In case you were curious, as I zone into East Sarutabaruta on foot, I get a tell from him in the split second it takes /blist to load trying just that. Hey: "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."

Right now, I'm seething. Not at this guy, but rather at me for falling for this stuff again. It seems like I get roped into a lot of these kinds of situations, and I'm wondering if I'm the only one out there. I've checked thoroughly, and the word gullible does not appear to be tattoo'd on my forehead, but I'm pretty sure it should be. On the one hand, I got where I am because of some really helpful Japanese players who went well out of their way, and I think I should make every effort to be like they were. But on the other hand, I seem to be playing doormat alot. (I.e. I healed someone near the entrance to Maze of Shakhrami last month because a ghost was about to kill him. When he finished, he went out and pulled another, then demanded to know why I didn't buff him and had stopped healing.)

Please tell me stuff like this happens to the rest of you. I really need to hear that I'm not the only one who gets taken advantage of. (Please don't bother pointing out where I could've short-circuited this process, I found at least 5 places up there on my own to beat myself up about). In addition to any sympathetic noises you could make in my direction, do you think this job attracts people who enjoy helping others and can be taken advantage of, or do people just assume that of us because we play this job? :confused:

[Icemage]

There is a definite perception that just because we play white mages, we are automatically pushovers who have nothing better to do than drop everything we're doing and sacrifice our playing time to help some stranger finish <insert selfish goal here>.

The only defense is to be strong, and just tell them no.

I don't know about you all, but I have other things I want to do. Spending my time helping someone who is most likely not going to remember, nor care, is not on my usual agenda for the time that I spend playing a game for enjoyment. I help people out on request if they prove to me they are deserving and worth my time, or if I'm just passing by and someone needs a Raise. But running across, say, Tahrongi Canyon to Raise someone in the Maze of Shakrami? No way.

Is this selfish? Perhaps. But until someone else starts paying my monthly fees, I don't think they have any right to dictate how I choose to spend my time online.


Icemage

[sylvanas]

/anon ^^a

but whenever you cant...like icey said just say no or ignore them if youre not up for it..

[Tifa]

As a white mage I realize I have a lot of utilities that are convenient for other players. However, I realize that these are my spells to use for whom I choose. I am more than willing to teleport LS members or long time friends. Random stranger #445? Yeah right. What have you done for me? You honestly think your 500 gil offer is enough to make me wanna take you somewhere?

There's no need to do any favors for a stranger. If you don't choose /anon, then say no. It's a simple "Sorry I have other plans now". Or don't reply at all. whatever is your style

I'll be honest with you:
/bonk! quit bein a doormat

[lionx]

Ok heres the thing, we DONT HAVE TO HELP YOU AT ALL. Its nice to do so, but we arent there to serve your needs on a velvet carpet and on a silver platter. WHMs that help you are based on being nice, and is really a privilage, not something we have to do. Some people need to know that we arent your servants.

You were just being nice, that isnt the problem of course, its a good thing, but you just have to know whome you help. The person up there is a jerk, you were right to blist him. There will always be some jerk that does the same thing, but there will also be those that help you. Weed them out and just learn to know which are jerks.

[Ixaera]

This can happen to thieves, too! I was offered about 20k to go help someone I'd partied with maybe one time (just randomly) with getting ancient papyrus. I figure, no big, I've always had terrific luck and I had nothing better to do at the moment. Actually, I had turned him down twice, until he offered the gil, at which point I figured it might be worth my while.

It would have been, too, if he hadn't brought along a friend of his who also needed papyrus. He said I didn't have to help him (uh, of course I didn't!) but that it would be nice. :/ Well, I stuck around for the 30 minutes it took to get the first paper (got my 20k) but at that point I would A) look like a total ass if I left and took away half their firepower (it was a highbie whm, a 50 drg, a 49 pld, and me) and B) not have a very easy way out. Idiot that I am sometimes, I had left my silent oils with the moogle. So, being concerned with those two issues, I stayed another hour for the other guy's papyrus. *sigh*

Some people are just users :/

[Dux]

As I have gone up through the levels this type of behaviour has become more and more frequent.

My initial reply now is "I'm sorry, I'm busy right now."

If that doesn't work my seconds reply is "Don't make me blacklist you".

If they mention it a third time I blacklist them and send them a tell informing them they have been blacklisted. Strangely they only ever bother me once.

[Meier]

Several times i have had requests to Raise people quite far away, which the person in question continually insists that because White Mage is my Job, i am required to Raise anyone in need.
Of course, i told him that White Mage is not there to support the world, but rather to support a single Party or Alliance.

People do not seem to understand that if we just went around raising anyone in need, we would have no time whatsoever to gain levels, or farm, or support a party in a quest, etc. etc. etc.

Now, i set my status to Anonymous, and will not raise a soul within 5 feet of me if they are not in my party.
Recently, i went against this, and lo and behold a Goblin Agrro'd me for taking literally 2 steps out to Raise this poor fellow, and the result was my very frustrating death.

I find that helping people often costs me more than it helps them, and so unless i am on good terms with the person in question i will not help them unless the circumstances are dire, no matter how much they beg.

In other words, to you people playing other jobs: Do not rely on White mages to do your laundry after you shit yourselves, please take the pacifier out of your mouth and learn to take care of yourself. If you have put yourself in a position where you NEED a White Mage and do not have one, tough cookies, it's entirely your own fault.

[Kensaki]

Yea its sad that people have to go anon to not be harrassed by freeloaders.:\

I think if you are going to not use /anon you are going to have to be strickter. Like only teleport people you know and trust unless you are taking cash for it or run a teleport service...

[murmur]

Unfortunately, /anon is not a cure-all. I inevitably get annoyed by someone checking me and then asking for teleport or warp or money or help on a quest, mission, genkai, etc. Sure I can strip my character naked or wear mining/fishing/starting gear, but unless I'd been fishing or mining, I have better things to do than constantly juggle gears and items and inventory space just to have some peace for 1hr.

I feel like I have a "please try to use me" sign with pieces of WHM AF and other gear on. Annoying noobies. :mad:

[Icemage]

Hehe... so true.

Just last night, I stopped in to Rabao after an XP party. I was /anon, but still had my full WHM AF equipped.

"Loser": /check Icemage

>>"Loser": hey

>> Icemage: ?

>>"Loser": Will you power lvl me?

>> Icemage: -_- Power levelling is for wimps.

Not to say that this doesn't happen elsewhere but "Loser" in this case was a level *31* PALADIN.

Definitely one of those Twilight Zone moments where I really had to stop and make sure I wasn't asleep and having a nightmare.


Icemage