Need some help! Should I call Dr. Phil?lol

[Raydeus]

Re: Need some help! Should I call Dr. Phil?lol

I'm going to play Dr. Phil for a minute here:



"You see, what you and your parents have become are enablers. You allow him to continue this behavior, and he allows you to allow him. You need to stop letting him lead this destructive life. Now I'm not saying kick him out, but you need to set a concrete date for him to be out of there, living on his own and working so that he can stop freeloading and work for a living!"



(cue applause)



****



Yeah I watch too much TV sometimes.

You can be so scary sometimes.

[eticket109]

Re: Need some help! Should I call Dr. Phil?lol

See, I think going for professional help is just an attempt to deny that they are actually the ones responsible for this behavior. As Aksannyi pointed out, they are enabling him to act like this. They don't need a professional to tell them that not setting boundaries for their son while he lives under their roof is allowing him to do as he pleases, and not take responsibility for himself.
Kicking him out is probably a bit harsh, but saying "If you don't have a job by [Date], you're going to have to find another place to live."

exactly

[Raydeus]

Re: Need some help! Should I call Dr. Phil?lol

See, I think going for professional help is just an attempt to deny that they are actually the ones responsible for this behavior. As Aksannyi pointed out, they are enabling him to act like this. They don't need a professional to tell them that not setting boundaries for their son while he lives under their roof is allowing him to do as he pleases, and not take responsibility for himself.

Kicking him out is probably a bit harsh, but saying "If you don't have a job by [Date], you're going to have to find another place to live."

Of course is their parents fault for allowing him to do what he is doing, and yep setting limits and a deadline is a must, but since this involves the whole family it would be a good idea to have professional help along the process.

Not only for the guy's sake, but for the family as a whole.


Edit > Man people are replying way too fast, I had to edit both posts for the sake of clarity. XD

[Murphie]

Re: Need some help! Should I call Dr. Phil?lol

I suppose. It seems wasteful to pay someone to tell you something that any random person on the street could. But some people do require that sort of wake up call.

[Skoal]

Re: Need some help! Should I call Dr. Phil?lol

He saves the money from the jobs he had. The last one he had was a few months ago. Thats why I think he works for like a week or two just to pay for FFXI. He plays on the ps2 but it's kinda hard to take that away from a 21 year old especailly because he bought it too. I'ma strangle him...and be on the news for murder lol j/k.

Does he pay for the internet service? Just tell your parents to discontinue the service.

[Feba]

Re: Need some help! Should I call Dr. Phil?lol

We really don't know enough about the situation to be making judgements here, people.

It could be that he's addicted to FFXI. Or it could be that he's just a lazy prick. it could be that he has some sort of problem with dealing with society, or just doesn't like to leave his home (See Hikikomori). It could be that he feels his life is pointless.

I'm not going to recommend professional help yet, given how badly it's failed myself, but this is what I would recommend:
1- Ask him why he doesn't get a life.
2- Encourage him to get out more
3- Force him to get out more.

You could try getting him his own apartment, and just give him awhile to be there, and tell him after awhile he'll have to start paying for his own rent and utils and such, set a date in stone and try to stick with it.

[Murphie]

Re: Need some help! Should I call Dr. Phil?lol

Getting him his own apartment is unnecessary expense. I mean, they could offer to help him find a place provided he pays for it beyond the security deposit, but otherwise, they're just throwing good money after bad.

[Feba]

Re: Need some help! Should I call Dr. Phil?lol

It's been successful before. The point is getting him out of the house and on his own, even if he has things paid for he still would need to take care of basics, and might find whatever it is he needs to get a job.

Looking up Roommate Wanted ads might be a cheaper way of doing it, plus he would have to deal with the roommate. Again though, we don't know WHY he locks himself up playing FFXI, just that he does, so we really can't say much.

[eticket109]

Re: Need some help! Should I call Dr. Phil?lol

We really don't know enough about the situation to be making judgements here, people.
It could be that he's addicted to FFXI. Or it could be that he's just a lazy prick. it could be that he has some sort of problem with dealing with society, or just doesn't like to leave his home (See Hikikomori). It could be that he feels his life is pointless.

Well it's not like I was saying they should shoot him.

That wouldn't come up til step 6 or 7 at least.

[Feba]

Re: Need some help! Should I call Dr. Phil?lol

well the thing is, acting without knowing what the problem is could do more harm than good. If he's just a lazy prick, tossing him out on his ass might be what he needs. On the other hand, if he fears sunlight, it could drive him insane. He might be driven to other people like him, which might make it better or worse. It's just impossible to tell.

[Raydeus]

Re: Need some help! Should I call Dr. Phil?lol

Yeah, he has to learn to do things by himself, so getting him an appartment could be counter-productive in the end (specially if the parents have to sign the lease).

I think professional help is required because the change needed isn't only on the guy's side, but also in his parents. But in the end all the professional help in the world wont help you if the family doesn't put the effort themselves.

Edit > But I agree with Feba, without knowing the specifics we can't make a proper judgement.


PS > All the help in world couldn't help you anyway Feba so that might've been a bad example.

[Murphie]

Re: Need some help! Should I call Dr. Phil?lol

It's been successful before. The point is getting him out of the house and on his own, even if he has things paid for he still would need to take care of basics, and might find whatever it is he needs to get a job.

I just don't see the point in the parents finding him an apartment and paying the rent while he eventually gets off his ass and finds a steady job. Right now their costs are minimal. They can achieve the same effect (him getting his life together) without unnecessary expenditure of money on their part (which, heck, they may not even be able to afford), by giving him an ultimatim with regard to his living with them if he doesn't get a steady job.

[Feba]

Re: Need some help! Should I call Dr. Phil?lol

he has to learn to do things by himself,

Again though, we don't know this. It might be that he needs to learn to take care of himself, or it might be that he doesn't want to. We don't know, and you all should stop acting like we do.

you're all assuming that he's just a leech, and we don't know that that's the case.

I just don't see the point

I'm not really sure the best words to explain it, but no offense, I've probably read much much more on this subject than you have.

[Raydeus]

Re: Need some help! Should I call Dr. Phil?lol

Again though, we don't know this. It might be that he needs to learn to take care of himself, or it might be that he doesn't want to. We don't know, and you all should stop acting like we do.

Edit > But I agree with Feba, without knowing the specifics we can't make a proper judgement.

/point Edit

Although, any change in his behavior, be it attitude or something else (like a medical problem) has to come from him in the end.

[Murphie]

Re: Need some help! Should I call Dr. Phil?lol

Again though, we don't know this. It might be that he needs to learn to take care of himself, or it might be that he doesn't want to. We don't know, and you all should stop acting like we do.

you're all assuming that he's just a leech, and we don't know that that's the case.

So what? We're working with what we do know, and sussing out grey areas as best we can. It's not like any of the things we're saying here matter. It's not like you know this guy. So why the hell can't we speculate until our fingers fall off?

I'm not really sure the best words to explain it, but no offense, I've probably read much much more on this subject than you have.

I'm not sure of the best way to explain this without being a dick, but I've actually lived this, so I probably have more real experience with it than you do.

There is no reason for the parents to spend more money getting him his own place. That is his responsibility as a grown ass adult.