What GM do in thier Spare Time Vol. 1

[Alacer]

Lol. I was browsing the forums and an idea struck my mind. What do GM's do while they're not on call duty? Do they just "hang"?
So i made my own version:

Characters:
GMbob (refered to as bob)
GMjoe (refered to as joe)

*2 GM's in the jail place*
Bob: Hello there fellow adventurer.
Joe: Oh shaddup with the RP sh*t man. We off duty.
Bob: Oh right.
Joe: /isbored
Bob: Yo, you know another nOOb came up and asked me if I can kill a rabbit just to show'em?
Joe: lol
Bob: I mean seriously, I have better use of my time! Theres tons of people out there that I need to save! People out there that are stuck in the rivers and sh*t ya know?
*ding-a-ling!*
Joe: Yo its a call.
*<randomplayer1> calls for assistance agaisnt a possible bot>*
Bob: Oh god, not another one..
Joe: I took the last one. Your turn.
Bob: Hell no!

*GM FIGHT!!!*

Bob hits Joe for 198 points of damage.
Joe hits Bob for 201 points of damage.
Bob starts casting Fire XVI on Joe
Joe tosses a piece of sh*t at Bob.
Bob: WTF!!
Bobs spell is interrupted.
Joe scores a critical hit!
Bob takes 314 points of damage.
Bob hits Joe for 415 points of damage.
Joe hits Bob for 279 points of damage.
*ding-a-ling*
<randomplayer2> requests assitance against harrasment.
Bob hits Joe for 124 points of damage.
Joe hits Bob for 352 points of damage.
Bob hits Joe for 653 points of damage.
Joe hits Bob for 361 points of damage.
Bob hits Joe for 415 points of damage.
Joe hits Bob for 279 points of damage.
Bob hits Joe for 415 points of damage.
Joe hits Bob for 666 points of damage.
Bob hits Joe for 325 points of damage.
Joe hits Bob for 352 points of damage.
Bob hits Joe for 124 points of damage.
Joe hits Bob for 352 points of damage.
*ding-a-ling!*
<randomgalka1> requests to see a GM for matters including a sausage.
Bob hits Joe for 653 points of damage.
Joe hits Bob for 361 points of damage.
Bob hits Joe for 415 points of damage.
Bob hits Joe for 673 points of damage.
Joe hits Bob for 133 points of damage.
Bob hits Joe for 653 points of damage.
Bob hits Joe for 124 points of damage.
Joe hits Bob for 352 points of damage.
Bob hits Joe for 653 points of damage.
Joe hits Bob for 361 points of damage.
Bob hits Joe for 415 points of damage.
*ding-a-ling!*
<randommithra1> requests assistance against <randomhume1-6> about her "fun hole"
Joe hits Bob for 279 points of damage.
Bob hits Joe for 415 points of damage.
Joe hits Bob for 666 points of damage.
Bob hits Joe for 325 points of damage.
Joe hits Bob for 352 points of damage.
Bob hits Joe for 124 points of damage.
Joe hits Bob for 352 points of damage.
Bob hits Joe for 653 points of damage.
Joe hits Bob for 361 points of damage.
Bob hits Joe for 415 points of damage.
Bob hits Joe for 673 points of damage.
Joe hits Bob for 133 points of damage.
Bob hits Joe for 653 points of damage.
*ding-a-ling!*
<randomhume1-6> requests assistance against <randommithra1> that refuses to show them her "fun hole"
*ding-a-ling!*
<randomplayer3> requests assitance against possible bot.
*ding-a-ling!*
<randomplayer7> requests to see a GM about <randomtarutaru1> trainging gobs to dunes entrance.
*ding-a-ling!*
<randomplayer8> requests assistance against a possible bot.
*ding-a-ling!*
<randomplayer10> requests assistance against a possible bot.
*ding-a-ling!*
<randomplayer90> requests assistance against a possible bot.
*ding-a-ling!*
<randomplayer47> request assitance against harrasment.
Joe hits Bob for 361 points of damage.
Bob hits Joe for 415 points of damage.
Joe hits Bob for 666 points of damage.
Bob hits Joe for 325 points of damage.
Bob hits Joe for 415 points of damage.
Joe hits Bob for 279 points of damage.
Bob hits Joe for 124 points of damage.
Joe hits Bob for 352 points of damage.
Bob hits Joe for 653 points of damage.
Joe hits Bob for 361 points of damage.
Bob hits Joe for 415 points of damage.
Joe hits Bob for 279 points of damage.
Bob hits Joe for 673 points of damage.
Joe hits Bob for 133 points of damage.
Bob hits Joe for 653 points of damage.
Joe hits Bob for 361 points of damage.
Bob hits Joe for 415 points of damage.
Joe hits Bob for 666 points of damage.
Bob hits Joe for 325 points of damage.
*ding-a-ling!*
<randomplayer4> requests assitance in Bastok.
Joe hits Bob for 352 points of damage.
Bob hits Joe for 124 points of damage.
Joe hits Bob for 352 points of damage.
Bob hits Joe for 653 points of damage.
Joe hits Bob for 361 points of damage.
Bob hits Joe for 415 points of damage.
Joe hits Bob for 279 points of damage.
Bob hits Joe for 673 points of damage.
Joe hits Bob for 133 points of damage.
Bob hits Joe for 653 points of damage.
Joe hits Bob for 361 points of damage.
*ding-a-ling!*
<randomplayer5> requests to see a GM defeat a bunny.
Bob hits Joe for 415 points of damage.
Joe hits Bob for 666 points of damage.
Bob hits Joe for 325 points of damage.
Joe hits Bob for 352 points of damage.
Bob hits Joe for 124 points of damage.
Joe hits Bob for 352 points of damage.
Bob hits Joe for 653 points of damage.
Joe hits Bob for 361 points of damage.
Bob hits Joe for 415 points of damage.
Joe hits Bob for 666 points of damage.
Bob hits Joe for 325 points of damage.
Joe hits Bob for 352 points of damage.
Bob hits Joe for 124 points of damage.
Joe hits Bob for 352 points of damage.
Bob hits Joe for 653 points of damage.
Joe hits Bob for 361 points of damage.
Bob hits Joe for 415 points of damage.
Bob hits Joe for 415 points of damage.

*<randomtarutaru1> enters jail scene>*

Randomtarutaru1: um... excuse me...

Bob hits Joe for 124 points of damage.
Joe hits Bob for 352 points of damage.
Bob hits Joe for 653 points of damage.
Joe hits Bob for 361 points of damage.
Bob hits Joe for 415 points of damage.
Joe hits Bob for 279 points of damage.
Bob hits Joe for 673 points of damage.
Joe hits Bob for 133 points of damage.
Bob hits Joe for 653 points of damage.
Joe hits Bob for 361 points of damage.
Bob hits Joe for 415 points of damage.
Joe hits Bob for 666 points of damage.
Bob hits Joe for 325 points of damage.
Joe hits Bob for 352 points of damage.
Bob hits Joe for 124 points of damage.
Joe hits Bob for 352 points of damage.
Bob hits Joe for 653 points of damage.
Joe hits Bob for 361 points of damage.

Randomtarutaru1: Umm I was send here...

Bob: Wat is it!! We're in the middle of a epic battle! ... biznitch!
Joe: Thats right! That bastard only has 128904719564 hp before he dies! whereas I have 20195701340192401!! I will win!
Bob: Wait let me check what randomtarutaru1 has done...
*Bob checks GM handy-dandy notebook of all-knowingness*
Joe scores a critical hit!
Bob takes 1095 points of damage!
Bob: you BITCh!
Bob hits Joe for 124 points of damage.
Joe hits Bob for 352 points of damage.
Bob hits Joe for 653 points of damage.
Joe hits Bob for 361 points of damage.
Bob hits Joe for 415 points of damage.
Joe hits Bob for 279 points of damage.
Bob hits Joe for 673 points of damage.
Joe hits Bob for 133 points of damage.

Randomtarutaru1: DUde!!!
Joe: okok, sorry. I'll leave you alone.
*Bob returns to checking GM handy-dandy notebook of all-knowingness*
Joe steals 72020 gil from Bob.
Bob: WTF!!! STOP IT!!! THAT WAS MY LUNCH MONEY!!!
Joe: lol. Okay sorry, I couldn't resist.
Bob: ugh. Ok randomtarutaru1. I see that you have intentionally trained mobs to the zone to kill people. I'm afraid thats against the POS.
Randomtarutaru1: TOS?
Bob: Right...whatever. Ok now what do I do again?
Joe: You give him a warning.
Bob: oh right. ok. I hereby sentance you to not do it ever again, or I will personally come and PWN you. ok?
Joe: No its supposed to be where you suspend him.
Bob: oh. ok i suspend you for 3 days then.
Randomtarutaru1: damn.... but can i ask one favor?
Bob: What.
Randomtarutaru1: Can you kill a rabbit for me so I can take a quick screen?

Bob hits Randomtarutaru1 for 910294810359713571569183013948 points of damage.
Bob defeats Randomtarutaru1.
/t Randomtarutaru1 >> Can you raise me?
Randomtarutaru1 >> Fug no! Now piss off!

*GM FIGHT CONTINUES!!!*
Joe scores a critical hit!
Bob takes 1490109 points of damage!
Joe: Fu*k man! Stop doing taht!
*ding-a-ling!*
*<notsorandomanymoreplayer1> requests assistance against possible bot.*
Joe begins to summon Knights of the Round
Bob: you fuggin cheater!
Bob tosses a piece of sh*t at Joe.
Bobs ranged attack misses Joe.
Knights of the roung PWNS Bob for 7777777777777777777 points of damage.
Bob falls to the ground.

Joe starts casting Raise VIXWI on Bob.
Bob: I dont need that shiz!
*ding-a-ling!*
*<notsorandomanymoreplayer1> requests assistance against possible bot.*
Bob: Fine fine, off I go.














/t Randomtarutaru1 >> Can you raise me?


Thus ends Vol. 1
----------------------------

[emitsu97]

HAHAHAH!! That was pretty funny. A nice little break from work.

[WishMaster3K]

/praise

Good story. I can now envision what GMs do during lunch or whatever. I wonder what they're like in RL, do they use l337 speech?

[Necro923]

ahahaha

[Alacer]

Volume 2
subtitled: "The misadventures of bob"

Reference:

() is stuff he thinks.

1 hour after Vol. 1....

*Valkurm Dunes*
Bob: <notsorandomanymoreplayer1>, how may I be of assistance? (why do I have to do this RP sh*t?)
notsorandomanymoreplayer1: I have a name you know.
Bob: What is it? (god get me out of this)
notsorandomanymoreplayer1: Its Tim.
Bob: Ok, tim, whats the problem?
Tim: Arent you supposed to be all formal?
Bob: How may I be of assistance, adventurer Tim? ( God i want to kill him)
Tim: Well you see that guy over there? He's been there for quite a while.
Bob: Are you referring to Kleidemos that is sitting over there lfg?
Tim: No.
Bob: Are you refering to the group of WARs and MNKs in a 5 man Pt waiting for a WHM to show up?
Tim: No.
Bob: THEN WHO THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!!!

|
|
|
|

Bob ( I wish).
Bob: Then who may I ask are you refering to?
Tim: The big galka over there.
Bob: The big galka that is lfg? Fatsausage?
Tim: No.
Bob: (OH GOD) Then who?
Tim: The one whos name is in green and has a I.M. next to it.
Bob hits Tim for 90805720398590238 points of damage.

Bob starts casting Warp VI
/t Tim >> Can I get a raise?
Bob casts Warp VI on himself.

Joe: So how'd it go?
Bob: You don't want to know.
*ding-a-ling!*
<Tim> requests assistance against a unhelpful GM call.

[Alacer]

Volume 3

2 days after Vol. 2's events...

*Joe lies on the ground all droggy*
Bob: Yo man wake up.
Joe: huh?
Bob: I'm logging man, its your turn to take shift. I've already cleared 54 calls dude.
Joe: k.. *still droggy*
Bob: Ok, i'm going man.
Joe: ok..
Bob: Alrite cya man.
Joe: Cya.
*ding-a-ling!*
<randommithra1> requests to be taken out of the river in Windhrust.
*30 seconds later*
Joe: ....
*1 minute later*
Joe: Wat the? Where bob?
<randomtarutaru1> is still on the ground from suspension.
<randomtarutaru1> Yo is my suspension over yet?
Joe: Wat?
<randomtarutaru1> Yo is my suspension over yet?
Joe: huh? Oh right, ur that idjeet that tried to make Bob kill a rabbit for you.
<randomtarutaru1> uh yeah. So can I get up yet?
Joe: NO
<randomtarutaru1> oh man c'mon.
Joe: Shuttup!
<randomtarutaru1> oh man c'mon. I'm tired of looking at this wall. just raise me.
Joe: Fine.
Joe starts casting raise on <randomtarutaru1>
Joe casts raise on <randomtarutaru1>.
<randomtarutaru1> Thanks.









Joe hits <notsorandomanymoretarutaru> for 99999 damage.
Joe defeats <notsorandomanymoretarutaru>
<notsorandomanymoretarutaru> falls to the ground.

<notsorandomanymoretarutaru> FUK!! WAT WAS THAT FOR!!
Joe: You told me to raise you and I did. Now shuttup. I've got more important things to do.
<notsorandomanymoretarutaru> like wat?
Joe: Wait for GM calls.
*ding-a-ling!*
<galka1> requests assistance against Sea Horror.
Joe: Anytime now....
*ding-a-ling!*
<hume5> requests assistance against a possible bot.
*ding-a-ling!*
Joe: Right about......
*ding-a-ling!*
<sexymithra1> requests to see a GM!
Joe: now!

Joe: Okay cya <notsorandomanymoretarutaru>. Serves you right for... wat was is again?
<notsorandomanymoretarutaru>: NoTHiNG!
*Joe checks GM handy-dandy notebook of all0knowingness*
*ding-a-ling!*
<sexymithra1> requests to see a GM!
Joe: Well you were doing something wrong. Okay i'm off!

*Joe heads to Valkurm Dunes*
Tim: is that a GM
<randomplayer9>: yeah I think so.
Tim: GGMMM!!! Theres a BOT here!!!
Joe: ? (now wheres that mithra)
Tim: This bot right here.
Joe: ?
Tim: This guy. Everytime I talk to him he takes 200 gil from me.
Joe: What this galka?
Tim: Yeah.
Joe starts casting warp II on Tim
Tim: ? wats that
Joe: bye.
Joe casts Warp II on Tim.
Joe: Okay, one down...
/sea all current area.
(There are 923 characters in this area.)
(The above list has been truncated)
Joe: ...922 to go.

<sexymithra1> /sh Help!!
Joe: I'M COMING!@!!
*Joe warps to <sexymithra1>s position*
Joe: Hellooo there...
*Joe examines <sexymithra1>*
<sexymithra1>: heeey....*purr*
Bob steals 720220 gil from Joe
Joe: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY LUNCH MONEY!
Bob: Serves you right! I was hungry that day! I needed that money!
Joe: Well we're even.
Bob: No we're not! But we will be if you give me this mithra.
<sexymithra1>: ?
Joe: Just a sec, hun.
Bob: WaT? shes ur hun now?
Joe: das rite!
*ding-a-ling!*
<fuglygalka1> requests assistance about her "not so fun hole"
Bob: Look! A call! Take it Joe take it!
Joe: Why the hell are you back anyway?
Bob: I got bored of hanging around at home with nothing to do. So I came here to get bored of hanging around at the Jail Cell with you. Then you were gone. So I asked <notsorandomanymoretarutaru> where you were. And he said, "Raise me first." So I did, and he told me you were here. Then I PWNED that stupid little taru and came here.
Joe: Good one!
<sexymithra1>: *purr*
Joe: Okay we'll both stay here then.
Bob: Good call.
*ding-a-ling!*
<fuglygalka2> requests assistance about people not harrasing her.
Joe: So wats the prob there kitty?
<sexymithra1>:Well its just that I needed to see some GM's.

Joe: Just to see us?
Bob: ?
<sexymithra1>: Yeah, to see if GM's were usefull and stuff you know? *wink*
Joe: ( oh god!) course we are....
Bob: ... yyuppp...for a lotta things...
<sexymithra1>: THEN WHY THE HELL DONT YOU ANSWER YOUR OTHER GM CALLS YOU LAZY SONS OF A BITCHES!!!
Bob and Joe: !!!!
*<sexymithra1> turns into <GMdev>*
Bob: (oh sh*t)
Joe: (uh oh)
GMdev: You people never answer calls! Blindly following mithra calls! Shame on you!
/t Joe >> yo dude I say we quit this Job.
/t Bob >> yeah man. but before we go lets take him out.
GMdev: blah blah blah! blah blah! blah blah blah blah blah blah!
Joe starts casting Knights of the Round on GMdev
Bob provoked GMdev!
GMdev: I'll kill you Bob!!
GMdev hits Bob for 89347137927601983 points of damage.
Bob: I cant hold him long!
Joe: Almost!
Bob throws a piece of sh*t at GMdev.
Bobs ranged attack scores a critical!
GMdev's face is smeared in sh*t!
Joe: Nice one! I'm done!
Joe casts Knights of the PWNAGE on GMdev.
Knights of the PWNAGE hits GMdev for 9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999 points of damage.
Knights of the PWNAGE defeats GMdev.
Knights of the PWNAGE dissapers
Bob and Joe: yeah!
GMdev: NOT SO FAST!
Bob and Joe: !!
GMdev: You think I can be defeated by a simple animation?
Bob: yeah.
Joe: yeah.
GMdev: .... then you were wrong!
Joe turns GMdev into King Opo-opo.
Bob sends GMdev turned King Opo-opo to Jail Cell.

Bob: Lets get outta here!
Joe: gogogo!
Bob: sector clear!
Joe: move move move!!
*Bob and Joe exits scene*








King Opo-opo: ?
<notsorandomtarutaru> Can you raise me?

[Alacer]

Volume 4
Subtitled "Taru Card Game GM style"

*Bob is on the chair, leg up on table*
*<notsorandomtarutaru> still on the ground. 3 days have passed*
*Joe enters*
Joe: Just finished suspending yet another harraser.
*Bob ignores him*
Joe: ....?
Bob: yo man look at what I found.
Joe: ?
*Bob shows him a Tarut Card: The King*
Joe: Oh its that thing.
Bob: you know what it is?
Joe: Of course.
Bob: Lol for the love of god, tell me I have no idea. None of the other guys know either.
Joe: Well the official term is "Some random object that is always sold for 9,999,999 gil at people's bazaar".
Bob: ah. why the fuk do they do that anyway?
Joe: Hell do I know.
Bob: Yo lets go and buy some.
Joe: And abandon post?
<notsorandomtarutaru> OH C"MON!!!! RAISE ME ALREADY!!!
Joe: Sure.
<notsorandomtarutaru> Dont you dare do what you did last time!
Joe: Okay.
Joe steps on <notsorandomtarutaru>'s body.
Joe: okay lets go.
Bob: move move move!
Joe: Sector clear!
Bob: Enemy down!
Joe: Team go!
*Bob and Joe exit scene*

*Our hero's enter Kazhm*
<randomplayer1049> pst pst! its two GMs!
<randomplayer1049'sfriend> wonder what they do here!
<noob124> i dunno! but lets start talking in l337 speak!
<noob124'sfriend> 7ea8 dwag! ( attempt at l337 speak)
Joe starts casting noob-aga.
Joe casts noob-aga.
Bob: Thank god.
Bob: okay lets move on. To the jungle!
*Bob and Joe enter Yuhtunga Jungle*
<noob156> /sh GOB TO ZONE!!
<noob532> /sh GOB TO ZONE!!
<noob1123> /sh GOB TO ZONE!!
<noob11> /sh GOB TO ZONE!!
<noob1> /sh GOB TO ZONE!!
<noob11234> /sh GOB TO ZONE!!
<noob999> /sh GOB TO ZONE!!
<noob169> /sh GOB TO ZONE!!
*8 noobs simultaneously hit the zone line*
*Gob hits zone*
*Gob hits zone*
*Gob hits zone*
*Gob hits zone*
*Gob hits zone*
*Gob hits zone*
*Gob hits zone*
*Gob hits zone*
Bob: lag!
Joe casts Bahamut.
Bahamut: WTF? I was sleeping!
Joe: Oh c'mon man, take out this Gobs.
Bahamut: Fuk no! I'm going back to sleep!
Bahamut unsummons himself
Gob hits Joe for 0 damage.
Gob hits Joe for 0 damage.
Gob hits Joe for 0 damage.
Gob hits Joe for 0 damage.
Gob hits Joe for 0 damage.
Gob hits Joe for 0 damage.
Gob hits Joe for 0 damage.
Gob hits Joe for 0 damage.
Joe: Oh man. I hate that guy, so lazy.
Bob readies Spinning Blade
Gob takes 9,999 points of damage.
Gob takes 9,999 points of damage.
Gob takes 9,999 points of damage.
Gob takes 9,999 points of damage.
Gob takes 9,999 points of damage.
Gob takes 9,999 points of damage.
Gob takes 9,999 points of damage.
Gob takes 9,999 points of damage.
Gob takes 9,999 points of damage.

Bob: okay now to find some bazaars with cards.
Joe: Oh look heres one!
Joe examines <randomplayer56>
Joe starts browing <randomplayer56>'s bazaar.
<randomplayer56> hOlY! 'tiS a gM c8ting mah bazAAr!
<noob56formallyknownasrandomplaer56> buY mah cARdS!
Joe: Give it to me, or I will kill you.
<noob56>: ...
Bob readies Spinning Blade
<noob56>: Okay okay! I h8 you gM's!
<noob56> wishes to trade with Bob.
<noob56> trades Bob Tarut Card: Death
<noob56> trades Bob Tarut Card: The Fool
<noob56> trades Bob Tarut Card: The Hermit
<noob56> trades Bob Tarut Card: THe King
Bob trades <noob56> a Goblin Bomb
<noob56> WtF!
Bob: okay lets go
Joe: move move move!
<noob56> ...
Bob: gogogo!
BOOM!
Joe: Enemy down!
Bob: Sector Clear.
*Terrorists Win!*
<randomplayerinyuhtungajungle1> ?
*Bob and Joe exit scene*

*Back in Jail Cell*

Joe: Okay, ready?
Bob: yeah!
Joe: Okay first we need 4 players.
Bob: But we only got 2 here, and the other guys are sleeping
<notsorandomanymoretarutaru> I"M RIGHT HERE!!!
Bob: Oh right. Well ur 3 days suspension is over.
<notsorandomanymoretarutaru> ITS BEEN 8 DAYS!
Bob: Oh shuttup.
Joe starts casting Raise XVWI on <notsorandomanymoretarutaru>
<notsorandomanymoretarutaru> you know i have a name.
Bob: what is it?
<notsorandomanymoretarutaru> Kmartaru
Bob: ..ok.
Joe: Still need one more.
Kmartaru: What we going taru do?
Bob starts casting Shiva
Shiva: Sup guys.
/t Joe Nice choice...
*Bob stares at Shiva*
*Joe stares at Shiva*
*Kmartaru stares at the wall*
Shiva: Stop staring!
Shiva: What did you summon me for?
Bob: To find out what these cards do.
Shiva: They do nothing.
Joe: No, its for a card game called "Top-secret Tarut Card Game that only Tarus know how to play"
Bob: You know how to play it Kmartaru?
Kmartaru: No.
Joe: ...ok, then its just "op-Secret Card Game That Only I Know How To Play".
Shiva: Say it already.
Joe: Okay, listen up. I'm about to tell you the most top-secret car-
Kmartaru starts undercutting prices to defeat local shops.
Joe: wtf?
Karmtaru: Sorry i just couldn't resist.
Joe: okay anyway, the rules are simple. Everyone gets randomly dealt a Tarut Card, and also 5 other normal playing cards.
The point of the game is to put down all 5 of your normal cards before the other people do. We take turns, one by one, to put down cards.
Bob: Thats it?
Shiva: Then whoever goes first wins.
Joe: The trick is the Tarut Card, that you have. Each tarut card has a different "special ability".
Joe: But its kinda random, so you never know who wins.

*Tarut Card Game that no one knows how to play BEGINS!*

Joe is dealt Tarut Card: Death
Bob is dealt Tarut Card: The Hermit
Shiva is dealt Tarut Card: The King
Kmartaru is dealt Taru Card: The Fool

*Let the games begin!*

Joe puts down 1st card.
Bob puts down 1st card.
Shiva puts down 1st card.
Kmartaru puts down 3rd card.
Joe: Wat the hell? You put down your first card.
Kmartaru: oh.
Kmrataru puts down 1st card.

Joe puts down 2nd card.
Bob puts down 2nd card.
Shiva puts down 2nd card.
Kmartaru scrathes his head.
Joe: Your supposed to put down a card.
Kmartaru: ?
Kmartaru scratches his head in confusion.


Joe puts down 3rd card.
Bob puts down 3rd card.
Shiva puts down 3rd card.
Kmartaru scrathes his head.
Shiva: This game is boring.

Shiva activates Tarut Card: The King
Shiva is allowed turned into King Opo-opo.
Shiva: ?
Shiva is given a bannana
Shiva: OOH!
Shiva eats the bannana!
Shiva obtains POWER-UP! She is allowed to put down 2 or more cards.
Shiva: WooT! I win!
*Shiva scrathes his head with bannana in her mouth*

Joe: Not so fast!
Joe activates Tarut Card: Death
Joe is allowed to eliminate one opponent.
Joe eliminates Shiva.
Shiva: not fair!

Bob activates Tarut Card: The Hermit
Bob: What the hel is a hermit anyway?
Kmartaru: Methinks itaru is a crab.
Bob is turned into a hermit crab!
Bob is now allowed to snip at the air uselessly!
*Bob snips at the air uselessly*
Bob: ....

Joe: Down to the last round! First to put down another card wins!

Kmartaru activates Tarut Card: The Fool
Joe begins to scratch his balls.
Kmartaru is allowed to say a joke of his choice. Time paused.
Kmartaru: Hmm...
Joe: Go already! I'm stuck in this position!
*Joe looks around in embarrasment*
Kmartaru: I GOT ONE!
Kmartaru: SO funny!
Kmartaru: What kind of music did the Pilgrims listen to?
Joe: umm...
Bob: *snip* *snip*
Kmartaru: Plymouth Rock!
*Joe is stunned from the lameness for 5 turns*
*Bob is stunned from the lameness for 5 turns*
Kmartaru: wOOt!
Kmartaru: now what do I do?
* 1 Turn passes *
Kmartaru puts down 2nd card.
Kmartaru puts down 3rd card.
Kmartaru puts down 4th card.
Kmartaru puts down 5th card.

Joe: .....
Bob: .....
King Opo-opo: .....









KMARTARU WINS!!!!

Joe: Godamn.
Bob: That was gay.
*King Opo-Opo turns back into Shiva*
Shiva: ....

Kmartaru: yeah!

Joe: bob..pstpst..whisper...
Bob: uhhuh...yea...pstpst...whisper..
Kmartaru: uhhuh...yeah..pstpst...whisper...
Joe: Stop pretending ur in the conversation!
Kmartaru: Oh sorry. So what do I get for winning?

Bob and Joe uppercuts Kmartaru into the sky!
*Kmartaru's body glimmers like a star as it fades away*
(those of you that have watched anime know wat i mean)

Shiva: lol

Thus ends Vol. 4

[Drive]

Good stuff. I espically like the first one, showing all the calls they get.

[Alacer]

Volume 5

*Bob and Joe are in the GM lounge (aka Jail Room)*
Bob: ugh
Joe: wassup?
Bob: Oh nothing, just woke up and have to go on duty
Joe: Same here man.
Kmartaru: Same here man.
Bob: Stop following us!
Joe: Ur still here? How did you get back?
Kmartaru: I dunno. I hit the ceiling and bounced back.
Bob: ...
*GMdev enters*
GMdev: HEY! I thought you quitted?
Bob: Well, we got bored of our real lives, so we came back.
Joe: Yeah. There's really nothing to do in real life, then to come here and do nothing, and get paid.
GMdev: Well, watever it is, I have a job for you.
Kmartaru: For me?
GMdev: Who the hell are you?
Kmartaru: I am Kmartaru
GMdev starts casting Silence on Kmartaru
Kmartaru resists the spell!
GMdev: WtF!
GMdev: Anyway, I have a job for you two.
Kmartaru: Me and who?
GMdev: There is a problem in the dunes and I need you to fix it.
Kmartaru: What problem?
Joe: Whats the prob?
GMdev: The goblins in Valkurm Dunes. Their AI is messed up. So I need you to go there and "become" one.
Kmartaru: You want me to become one?
Bob: You mean you want us to be a Gob and check out the AI on it?
Joe: Then report back?
GMdev: Precisly, joe.
Kmartaru: No problemtaru!
GMdev: Ok, who the hell is this midget.
Bob: Doesnt matter, Joe lets go.
Kmartaru: Okay bob! Lets go!
Joe: StFu!
Kmartaru: Yeah bob!
Joe hits Kmartaru for 934891283 points of damage.
Kmartaru falls to the ground.
Bob: Okay lets go.

*Bob and Joe enter Valkurm Dunes*
Bob: Okay now to find some gobs.
Tim: /sh HELP THERS A FISHING BOT HERE!!!!
Joe: Oh god...
/t GMdev >> Hey! I heard that! You better go help him!
Bob: Oh god...
/t GMdev >> I heard that too!

Bob: Ok, so whats the problem...
Tim: tHiS dUdE hAs BeEn HeRe AlL dAy!!!!!!!!!!!
Joe: ... He's just fishing.
Tim: I wAs HeRE 1 hOuR aGo, AnD hE wAs FiShInG. nOw, He Is StIlL hErE, hE mUsT bE a BoT! ( you have no idea how long that line took me)
Tim: Look, hes right here: Fatsausage.
Joe: This galka?
Tim: YESS!!!
Bob: Hello there, Fatsausage.
Fatsausage: Sup.
*Fatsausage waves*
Tim: HES A BOTT!!! LOOK AT HOW ROBOTIC HIS MOVMENT IS!
Fatsausage: ...
*Tim does the Robo dance to show them what he means*
Joe sends Tim to GM lounge.
Bob: ok.. now to find a gob.
Fatsausage: not that hard, just go to the selbina zoneline.

*Joe and Bob enters the Selbina Gate*
<noob24> Gob to ZONE!
<noob78> Fly to ZONE!
<noob09> HUGE ASS TRAIN TO ZONE!
*9 Goblin hits zoneline*
*3 Damselflies hits zoneline*
Joe: Damn, I'm too lazy
Joe starts summoning Bahamut
<randomplayer109> WHOA!!! BAHAMUT!!
Bahamut: again?
Joe: I'll pay you this time. Just dont leave.
Bahamut: In what amount?
Joe uses steal
Joe steals all the gil from <randomplayer019>
<randomplayer109> !!!
Joe: Here
Bahamut recieves 782 gil.
Bahamut: ...
Joe: ...
Bob: Damn you're poor.
<randomplayer019> Well you would be too if you spent ur last penny on a Amethyst Ring. I mean c'mon. +1 DEX, I'd never miss. How could I resist?
Joe: Those are what? 1k?
<randomplayer109> 2, THOUSAND gil! I mean c'mon. I farmed a long time for that.
Bahamut: ...
Bahamut uses Mega Flare on <randomplayer109>
*You dont want to know what happened to him after that*
Joe: *shudder*
Bob: ... damn.. Thank god you're on my side.
Bahamut: Who said that?
*Bahamut turns to Bob*
Bob: AH!
Joe steals 9283957 gil from Bob
Joe: HERE!
Bob: HEY! STOP THAT!! YOU'VE DONT THAT 3 TIMES IN A WEEK ALREADY!
Joe trades Bahamut 9283957 gil.
Bahamut: Very well.
Bahamut unsummons himself.
Joe: Phew.
*Gobs in the background raping <randomplayers1-9>*

Bob: Ok now to choose a Goblin.
Joe: I CHOOSE YOU, GOBLIN TINKERER!!
Joe: Gob-i-lin, gotta catch'em aaaalll!! I wanna be the very bes-
Bob punches Joe.
Joe: oww... wat was that for?
Bob enters Goblin Leechers body.
Joe enters Goblin Tinkerers body.

*Bob and Joe now are gobs*

Bob: Whoa!
Joe: Whoa!
Kmartaru: Whoa!
Bob: WtF?
Joe: WtF?
Bob: How the hel-
Kmartaru: Sorry I was really bored, so I used the wierd device in the lounge and I gto transported here.
Joe: How long have you been here?
Kmartaru: ooh not that long. Just after you sent Tim to jail.
I was quite startled when he popped in front of me.
Bob throws a Goblin Bomb at Kmartaru.
Kmartaru: nOOOO!!!!
*Kmartaru starts to deactiviate the bomb with his Counter Terrorist Defusal Kit ( for only $9.99!!)*

Bob: Ok, just leave him, I think that ones a dud. He'll be there forever.
Joe: K, lets move.

*Bob and Joe exit Selbina Gate*
Bob: ... Ok...soo...
Joe: What do we do now?
Bob: The dev just said to "become a gob" and fix the prob.
Joe: Hmm...
<randomplayer89>'s ranged attack misses Goblin Mugger.
<goblinmugger> yo! Lets keeeelll!!
Bob: GOGOGGO!
Joe: Bob what are you doing?
Bob: huh? I dunno. I just have this wierd feeling that makes me want to go attack <randomplayer89>
Joe: ?
Joe: sh*t, I have it too now.
<goblinmugger> KEEEEELLL!!!
Bob: KEEEELLL!!!
Joe: KEEEELLL!!!
Bob hits <randomplayer89> for 24 points of damage.
Joe hits <randomplayer89> for 32 points of damage.
<goblinmugger> hits <randomplayer89> for 29 points of damage.

<randomplayer92> Run dude run!
<randomplayer92> uses Provoke on Bob.
Bob: WHOA!!! I"LL KILL YOU <RANDOMPLAYER92>!!!!!!!!!!
Joe: Stay on the original target man!
Bob: THAT DUDE JUST CALLED MY MOM A FAT-ASS! I'LL KILL HIM!!
Bob hits <randomplayer92> for 34 points of damage.
Joe: He didnt call you nothin' man!
<randomplayer35> uses Provoke on Joe.
Joe: YOU FAGGOT!!! I'LL KILL YOU!!!
Bob: See what I mean?
Joe hits <randomplayer35> for 27 points of damage.
<randomplayer35> ZONE ZONE!!
<randomhighlvlwhitemage1> casts Cure III on <randomplayer35>
Joe: JESUS!! DID YOU SEE THAT LIGHT!!! LETS KILL IT!!!
BOB: WHOA!!! LIGHT!!! KEEELLL!!!

*Bob and Joe switches aggro to <randomhighlvlwhitemage1>*
<randomhighlvlwhitemage1> zone idiots! Zone!!
Bob hits <randomplayer92> for 56 points of damage.
Bob: I"LL KILL YA!!!
*<randomplayer1-6> hits zoneline*
Bob: OOH! Look! Its a wild onion!
*Bob starts munching on a wild onion peacefully.*
Joe: WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!! KILL THEM!!! THEY"RE RIGHT THERE!!
Joe hits <randomhighlvlwhitemage1> for 6 points of damage.
*<randomhighlvlwhitemage1> hits zoneline*
Joe: OOH! Whatcha got there, Bob?
Bob: A wild onion! *munch* *munch*
<goblinmugger> WHAT ARE YOU DOING! KILL THEM ALL!!!
Bob: I dont hate'em anymore.
Joe: I like this onion a lot more! *munch* *munch*
<goblinmugger> FOOLS!!
*<randomplayer74> hits zoneline*
<goblinmugger> Wait a sec.. A onion you say?
Bob: yeah.
<goblinmugger> NICE!! Gimme some! *munch* *munch*

*The Three munch on the onions for 30 minutes, slowly moving away from zoneline since they so full*

*<randomplayer90> gets too close to Joe.*
Joe: KEEELLL!!!!
Bob: ?
Bob: oh, KEEELLL!!!!
<goblinmugger> KEEELLL!!!!
<randomnon-noob3> Oh god... stop bringing them back to the zone! FOOLS!

.
.
.
.
.
.


A dark sidieous creature watches them from the bushes...
<darksidieouscreatureinthebushes> muahhahah......
Kmartaru: Hello there!
<darksidieouscreatureinthebushes> wtF?
Kmartaru: Would you like to buy this Counter-Terrorsit Defusal Kit? For only $9.99 you can save your life, or someone you like!
See this label here? Its the label of absolute quality! Issued only to the highes-quality produc-
<darksidieouscreatureinthebushes> stfu.
Kmartaru: Let me finish!
<darksidieouscreatureinthebushes> hits Kmartaru for 1 point of damage.
<darksidieouscreatureinthebushes> defeats Kmartaru.
Kmartaru falls to the ground.

<darksidieouscreatureinthebushes>: now where was I?
<darksidieouscreatureinthebushes>: Ah yes.
<darksidieouscreatureinthebushes>: muahhahahaha......

To be Continued in Volume 6...

[Alacer]

olume 6

<darkinsideouscreatureinthebushes> Muahahahah....
Bob: *munch* *munch*
Joe: *munch* *munch*
Kmartaru: *munch* *munch*
<darkinsideouscreatureinthebushes> !!!! I swear that thing died
Bob: You defused the bomb?
Kmartaru: What bomb?
Joe: The one bob threw at you
Kmartaru: That was a bomb?
Joe: ...
Kmartaru: I thought it was a huge malteser
Bob: !
Joe: You ate it didnt you.
Kmartaru: I swear I didnt.
*Bob points at the lump in Kmartaru's belly*
Bob: Then whats that?
Kmartaru: ... umm... I'm pregnant.
Joe: ... With .. who..?
Kmartaru: umm..
Bob: Oh shuttup and leave us alone
<goblinmugger> Das rite niggah! Leave us dawgs in peace yo!
Joe: .. When did you turn ghetto mugger?
<goblinmugger> ghetto? it called in-da-hood dawg
Bob: ... then when did you turn in-da-hood
<goblinmugger> techinically "in-da-hood" is a noun, so you should refer to it as one
Bob: .... then when did you go in-da-hood
<goblinmugger> just now.
Bob and Joe: ...
Kmartaru: ....
<goblinmugger> kmart, ya dont even know wat we talk 'bout, so stfu!
Kmartaru: I do I do! Ur talking about my belly!
*Kmartaru grins happily*
Bob: ...
Joe: ...
<goblinmugger> somet'in wrong with him niggahs?
Bob: Fire in the hole!
*Bob readies Bomb Toss*
Bob throws a Bomb at Kmartaru
Bob: Lets get outta here!
Joe: run run!
Bob: cya mug!
<goblinmugger> Cya mah hommies!

<darkinsideouscreatureinthebushes> NO SO FAST!
Bob: ?
Joe: ?
Tim: Damn ur fugly
<darkinsideouscreatureinthebushes> ...
<darkinsideouscreatureinthebushes> You shall not pass!
*<darkinsideouscreatureinthebushes> strikes the ground with his staff*
Bob: ? reminds me of a movie..
Joe: snap out of it! We hafta leave before Kmartaru recovers!
Joe readies Spinning Blade of Doom
<darkinsideouscreatureinthebushes> takes 0 points of damage.
Joe: W.T.F!
Bob: Dude this guys tough...
Bob checks <darkinsideouscreatureinthebushes>
*<darkinsideouscreatureinthebushes> seems like a niggah you dont wanna mess with.*
<goblinmugger> yeah dawg! The check system is ghetto too!
Bob starts summoning Bahamut
Bahamut: Ah, a real foe.
*<darkinsideouscreatureinthebushes> turns into his real form*
<darkinsideouscreatureinthebushes> turns into ....



TINY MANDRAGORA OF DOOOOMMMM!!!!

Bahamut: Dude, hes smaller than my nail.
Tim: See what I told you? fugly.
Bob: stfu. Where the hell did you come from anyway?
Tim: Well I saw this fugly creature in the bushes that had this wierd glimmer in his eye which actually kinda looked like the eggs i ate for breakfast today but anyway so here I was staring at these eggs when all of a sudden he starts laughing like a crazy egg and those eyes shook and it kinda looked like well a shaking egg that what it looked like ok so bak on top-
Bahamut: STFU!!!
Tim: My bad
Kmartaru: Niggah!
Joe: Oh god, he found us.
<goblinmugger> dont copy me dawg! that my line!

<Tinymandragorofdoom> Are you ready Bahamut? I am quite excited about this battle
Bahamut: Yes. Lets us begin. Leave us in peace, you five. We should fight fairly.
Bahamut: Would you tell me your name?
<Tinymandragoraofdoom> Very well, worthy adversary. It is....

TINY MANDRAGORA OF DOOOOMMMM!!!!

Bahamut: No your real name.
<Tinymandragoraofdoom> oh, its Greg the Onion. My friends call me Grenion. By my friends, I mean my master.
Bahamut: Very well, grenion.
Fatsausage: Sup guys, wats up.
Bob: SHHH!!!


*Bahamut vs Greg the Onion*

Grenion casts bullet seed!
Bahamut takes 9123935893 points of damage.
Bahamut: huh, that didnt even prick my hide.
Bahamut uses Mega Flare!
Grenion takes... 1 point of damage.
Bahamut: !!!
Bob: !!!
Joe: !!!
Fatsausage: !!!
Tim: !!!
Kmartaru: huh?
Kmartaru: oh
Kmartaru: !!!
Grenion tackles Bahamut
Bahamut: lol
*Bahamut falls to the ground!*
Bahamut: JESUS!
Bahamut takes 728,092 points of damage
Grenion reades Combo Tackle!
Bahamut takes 9283981234 points of damage
Bahamut takes 2345264342 points of damage
Bahamut takes 2414314354 points of damage
Bahamut takes 9574532355 points of damage
Bahamut takes 4534559999 points of damage
Bahamut takes 1623565323 points of damage
Grenion readies Final Attack!
Grenion scores a MADD-ASS-CRITICAL-ATTACK!
Bahamut takes 12049178507593789481972 points of damage
Bahamut counterattacks with Impulse
*Bahamut fires 4 orbs of darkness*
Grenion takes 91274817912787321 points of damage!
Grenion takes 21387128478127481 points of damage!
Grenion takes 76768273981982938 points of damage!
Grenion takes 29238917589278710 points of damage!

Joe: fuggin hell.. all that before bahamut could do one move.
*Bahamut spits out a gob of blood*
*Bahamut wipes his mouth*
Bahamut: Like I said an worthy adversary.
Grenion: Not so bad yourself
Bahamut: Before we continue I must ask. What is your buisness here?
Grenion: I have come to revive my Master so that he can once again manifest in the real world. I dare to tell you because there is no way you can stop this. He will conqueor the virtual and real world. Its just a matter of time.
<goblinmugger> Duuudde... thats some serious sh*t dawg
Kmartaru: yeah!... dwah!
<goblinmugger> Its 'dawg'.
Kmartaru: My bad, awdg.
Bob: ....

Bahamut: Bob, Joe, You must return to the lounge immediatly and report back to GMdev. He will know what to do. I will hold him back. My scanners tell me I can only hold him for 3 4/5 minutes, that should be ample time to return. Once you get through the gate of the lounge you will be safe. The fate of the world lies in your hands now.

*Bob and Joe return to GM form*

Bob: Damn man, that some serious sh*t
Joe: My sincere thanks Bahamut, we shall meet again.
Bahamut: I fear that is too naive a thought. Go! And dont look back.
Kmartaru: Yeah! Me and dragon here will hold'em back!
*Kmartaru feels all heroic*
Kmartaru: I'll annoy him with this brilliant marketing scheme while you run!
Bob: Oh god..
Joe: Whatever, lets go. Good luck Bahamut, ... dare I say it... friend...
Bahamut: Goodbye Joe... dare i say it... fugly master who always woke me up mid-wet-dream...
Joe: ...
Bob: Dude lets go, that onion looks bored
Grenion: DIE!!
Bahamut: GO FOOLS!!!
Kmartaru: GO!!!
Grenion hits Bahamut for 999999999999999999999999999 points of damamge.

*Bob and Joe exits Valkurm Dunes*

[Valforyunasaeon]

Hahahahaha!that is like so funny!omg.lol.it makes me do wonder what they do on their spare time.^-^

[Alacer]

Volume 7

*Bob and Joe run into the lounge*
Bob: Phew
Joe: Lock it! Lock it!
*Bob locks the door*
Bob: Phew
Bob: hurry, lets find'em

Joe: GMdev! GMdev!
Bob: We're ready to report!!
GMdev: Ugh... what is it!
<sexymithra2> jimmy! come back!
GMdev: shhh!!
GMdev: Okay fire away
*Kmartaru lights a fire*
Joe: OMFG!!!
Bob: HOW THE F*CK!!
Kmartaru: Mezeey-weezy tell you lataru.
GMdev: You can talk to him later, report now!
*Bob tells him all the happenings of Volume 6*

*5 minutes later*

GMdev: I see... I know this Grenion's master...he is..
Bob: Who is it!
GMdev: There is no time! You must hurry!
GMdev: bleh..thirsty.. Wait a sec, let me grab a drink
Joe: ...
*30 seconds later*
GMdev: okay.. you must hurry! There is no time!! You must go to jeuno, and from there, ride to Lordaeron and seize the frozen thro-
Bob: Lordaeron?
GMdev: Woops, sorry wrong game.
GMdev: You must go to jeuno and from there ride to Garlaige Citadel. I will tell you what you must do when you arrive
Joe: And no time to tell us who the master is?
GMdev: I'm afraid not. Wait, thirsty again.
*32 seconds later*
GMdev: Okay, off you go.
Joe: ..
Bob: ..
Kmartaru: ..
Bob: So what happened kmartaru?
GMdev: You have no time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Joe: ok, ok lets go.
GMdev: Kmartaru, come with me, I have a special mission for you.
GMdev: Off you go Bob and Joe!
Bob: How come we can't just warp to Garlaige.
GMdev: Because the Master has made magic unusable in the entire world, except in this lounge.
Bob: That doesnt prove why we cant just warp straight there.
GMdev: You! Shuttup. And. Go. Now.

*Bob and Joe warp to Jeuno*

Bob: Alrite to the stables!
Joe: gogo!
Tim: gogo power rang-
Bob uppercuts Tim all the way to timbuk- no, Valkrum Dunes.
Joe: Ok, lets go.

<elvaanfemalechocoborenter1>: A chocobo will cost you 1004 gil.
Bob: Ever wonder why the chocobo renters are always elvaan females?
Joe: Not really no.
Joe: But why?
Bob: The hell do I know, I was just asking a question
Joe: Whenever someone asks you that, you assume that th-
<elvaanfemalechocoborenter1>: A chocobo will cose you 1004 gil.
Bob: Why dont we jsut ask her.
<elvaanfemalechocoborenter1>: Its a long story.
Joe: Then cut it short
<elvaanfemalechocoborenter1>: A long story cut short can sometimes still be a pretty long story.
Bob: ...
Joe: Well, tell us this, why does the price of chocobo's change?
<elvaanfemalechocoborenter1>: It depends on my mood

*Bob payes <elvaanfemalechocoborenter1> 1004 gil.*
*Joe pays <elvaanfemalechocoborenter1> 56 gil.*
Bob: !!
Joe: Mood swings I tell ya.

*Bob and Joe hop on a chocobo*

*Bob feeds <chocobo1> Ghysal Greens*
<chocobo1>: Oh god, not again, kweh
Joe: !
*<chocobo1> begins to dig the ground*
*Bob finds nothing*
<chocobo1>: *choke* *burp* *fart*, kweh
<chocobo2>: You alrite jake? , kweh
<chocobo1>: *wheeze* , kweh
Bob: you...can.. talk?
<chocobo2>: Course we can, kweh
Joe: But you're an animal
<chocobo2>: Whos the one who forces the other to dig the ground? ,kweh
*<chocobo2> gives Joe.. the evil eye, kweh*
Joe: /shudder
<chocobo2> I told you to report sick today, but nooooo, kweh
<chocobo1> Whos going to feed little boko if I dont work? *wheeze*, kweh

Bob: Dude this is too sad
<chocobo2> 'tis called animal labor, kweh *weep*
*Bob hops off chocobo*
*Joe hops off chocobo*
Bob: cya later guys
Joe: bye
<chocobo2> hahahahahha!! sucka's!
<chocobo1> ROFLLMAOLOL!!
<chocobo2> run jake run!

Joe: Bastards!
Bob: Mother (censored) (censored)!!

*Bob and Joe enter Garlaige Citadel*

Bob /l GMdev, we've reached Garlaige
GMdev /l Good, now I need you to to follow this magic map...
Joe: No way... not there..
Bob: Not the den...
GMdev /l You must go, or I will reveal the illegal acts you've done in the 3 years of being GM's in this game.
Bob /l What Illegal acts?
GMdev /l Stealing, killing, training, using 3rd party programs, chilling, boring, nothing, harrasing, striking, eating on the carpet, rap-

Bob: /l Enough!
Joe: Guess we've got no choice.

*Bob and Joe follow the map*

*6 minutes later*

Bob: Ok, this is it.
Bob: says to jump down this hole and we're there
Joe: Are you kidding me?
Bob: True, its pretty damn steep
Joe: You go first
*Bob jumps and lands on his feet perfectly*
Joe: How the f*ck!
Bob: Dont ask me. I swear these legs should be broken
*Joe jumps and lands on his feet perfectly*

Joe: damn dude...
*Joe surveys the area*
Bob: !!
Joe: ?
*Bob points to the left*
*Joe looks to the right*
Joe: ?
Joe: oh. Too much exposure to Kmartaru, I swear.
*Joe looks to the left*
Joe: F*ck...

<THEMASTER> Muahahahahahaha.....

To be continued in Volume 8!

[Kuy555]

Awesome

[SlizenDize]

LMAO that's so funny!

[Alacer]

Volume 8

(A few seconds before Volume 7 finished)

<THEMASTER> Muahahah - *cough* ahem
<THEMASTER> Muahahahahahahahahah!!
*<THEMASTER> is behind a curtain*

Bob: sh*t he looks shady
Joe: Bahamut...
*Joe points at Bahamuts dead body, hung by ropes still fresh with his blood. They also noticed the price tag that was still there: "SALE!! Buy one get one free for only 8.99, sold exclusivly at Kmartaru's Kmartaru Shope-wopee"
Bob: That bastard!
Grenion: He didnt last long.. heh
Joe: Not you, Kmartaru.
Grenion: Who?
Bob: ugh, nvm.
Grenion: This guy?
*Grenion points at a body on the ground.*
Joe: !!
Grenion: Woops, wrong one.
*Grenion points at Kmartaru*
Kmartaru: Wassssaaaappppp!!! (tounge flying)
Bob: !!

GMdev /l Theres not much time, leave the fool alone. <THEMASTER> is holding the Oracle hostage. You must rescue him and warp back to him house in jeuno..

Bob: /l Oracle?

GMdev /l Yes. He is our only hope to defeating <THEMASTER> and his evil scheme. He knows-all and hear-all

Oracle /l Thats right bitch, and I'm a her. HER

Joe /l ...


Bob: Wheres the Oracle!
<THEMASTER>: So thats why you have come. I thought so.
Joe: We dont give a sh*t what you think just give him back!
Oracle: Its her you fuktard!
Joe: Fine, Give her back!
<THEMASTER>: Just like that? I'm afraid you'd have to defeat me first. I would never surrender such a prize.
Bob: Screw this dude.
Joe: Operation Galkan Sausage?
Bob: Hell yeah.



*Bob throws a Smoke Grenade*
*Joe throws a Flashbang*

*Bob grabs Kmartaru*
*Joe grabs the Oracle*
Joe: Goodbye Bahamut...
Bahamut: WTF!! You're leaving me??!
Joe: I thought you died!
Grenion: *choke* *cough* *blah!!*
Bob: Hurry!
*Bob grabs Bahamut*
*Bob casts Operation Galkan Sausage*

<THEMASTER> Those fools...muahahah
Grenion: Muahahah




*Bob, Joe, Kmartaru, the Oracle and Bahamut's bloody body appears in "Merchants House" in Lower Jeuno"


Joe: Whoa
Bob: Whoa
Kmartaru: Whoa!
Bahamut: Ugh..

*ding!*
Oracle: Ah, the cookies just finished.
*The Oracle puts on her oven mitts and takes out Cinna-cookie's*
Oracle: Smell good don't they?
Bob: Not really no.
Oracle: Go outside and wait
*Oracle smiles warmly*
Bob: uh.. sure
*Bob sees a skinny boy with a spoon*
*<skinnyboy> bends the spoon with his mind*
Bob: !!
Joe: Lemme try that
*Joe stares at the spoon...*
*Joe stares some more..*
*Kmartaru stares at the spoon*
<skinnyboy> Your spoon does not bend becaus it is just that, a spoon. Mine bends because there is no spoon, just my mind.
Joe: .. yeah right kid.
*Kmartaru bends the spoon with his mind*
Kmartaru: Look, mine bended-wended.
Bob: Holy fuk.

<elvaanfemale7> The Oracle will see you now.
*Bob still shocked*
<elvaanfemale7> The Oracle is waiting.
Bob: Okay.

*Bob and Joe enter the room*
Bob: Hello?
Oracle: I know, you're Bob, I'll be right with you.
Oracle: I'd ask you to sit down, but you're not going to anyway. And don't worry about the vase.

Bob: What vase?
*Bob turns around*
*Bob doesn't knock down the vase*
Bob: Oh, this one.
Oracle: ... never mind.
Oracle: You know why GMdev brought you to see me?
Bob: Not really, no.
Oracle: So you think you're the one?
Bob: The one?
Oracle: Yes, the one who will save us all.
Joe: From what?
Oracle: The gigantic cookie that is in space and crashing towards the earth.
Bob: !!
Oracle: I'm just messin' with ya.
Joe: ...
Oracle: Well, I have good news and bad news. What do you want to hear first?
Bob: Good.
Oracle: Well i'll tell you the bad first.
Bob: ...
Oracle: You're not the one. Kmartaru is.
Joe: ... we're @#%^ed.
Bob: And the good news?
Oracle: Same as the bad news.
Bob: So what is he going to save us from?
Oracle: <THEMASTER> of course.
Bob: I see.
Oracle: Here, come outside with me.
*Joe looks at the ground and thiers a pile of bent spoons*
*Kmartaru looks up at him and smiles*
*Joe shudders*

*Oracle, Bob, Joe, Kmartaru and Bahamut sit down on the couches*
BANG!
Bahamut: ouch..damn ceiling.
Oracle: Alright, I have brought you here today to unravel all the mysteries of the past couple weeks. First the story between Grenion, Bahamut and Kmartaru.

Bahamut: well after you left...

--------------------- Flashback -----------------------

Bahamut: Come on bitch! I'll take you down!
Grenion: yeah watever, puny dragon.
Bahamut: look whos talking, sprout.
Kmartaru: Look! Lets not argue! Check this out!
Kmartaru: *pst* *pst* *whisper* While i distract him with this ripoff you rest up. *whisper*
Grenion: .. I heard that..
Kmartaru: CHEAP!! SALE!! ROCK SALT FOR a cheap 2k!! EACH!!!
Kmartaruinanothervoice: WOW!!
Kmartaruinnormalvoice: Thats right!! 2K only!!!
Grenion: ...
Kmartaruinnormalvoice: Distilled water in the desert! 1k a bottle! Buy now!!
Kmartaruinalowvoice: ugh..i'm thirsty..WOW!! CHEAP!!
Kmartaruinnormalvoice: Thats right!! Buy NOW!!
Kmartaru: *whisper* nows ur chance bahamut!
Bahamut: ...
Grenion: ...

-------------------------- Flashback over ------------------

Bahamut: Then we basically fought and he kicked my ass. And hung me up in the room with some ropes.
Joe: I saw the price tag on the ropes...
Bahamut: Tag?
Kmartaru: oh! After Bahamut fell uncouncious-taru...

------------------ Flashback -----------------------

Grenion: God, hes huge, how am I gonna bring him home..
Kmartaru: I'll help you!
Grenion: ?!
Kmartaru: If you buy my rope. For only 8.99!! Specifically made for kidnapping! Makes the target weigh nothing!
Grenion: Nice.
*Grenion trades Kmartaru 8.99*
Kmartaru: Ok, I come with you.
Grenion: ... sure..

------------- Flashback Over -------------------

Bob: So thats why you were in the den just now too.
Kmartaru: Yup-taru.
Oracle: Okay, now the story of Kmartaru's secret mission...


---------------- Flashback ---------------

GMdev: Okay kmartaru I have a secret mission for you.
Kmartaru: Mission-wission for metaru?
GMdev: .. yes.
Kmartaru: What is it-wisit?
GMdev: You must go and find the Oracle and bring him to Garlaige Citadel.
Kmartaru: Garlaigeewagey?
GMdev: .. yes.
Kmartaru: Oktaru!

*Kmartaru rushes off*
* 3 minutes later *
*Kmartaru comes back*

Kmartaru: ..Where is oracle-woracle?
GMdev: (Oh god.. I hope the Oracle chose the right one.)
GMdev: He's in Lower Jeuno, Merchants house.
Oracle: SHE!! SHE BITCH SHE!!!
Kmartaru: shee bitchie-witchie! shee!
GMdev: Oh shuttup and go midget.
Kmartaru: Off i gotaru!

*Kmartaru arrives in Merchants House, Lower Jeuno*

Kmartaru: Hello!
<skinnyboy> sup.
Kmartaru: I am looking for oreo!
Kmartaru: Wait no.. I look for chocolate chip oreo
Kmartaru: nonono.. i look for THE oreo.
Kmartaru: yes yes, THE oreo.
<skinnboy> Oracle?
Kmartaru: No! Oreo!
Oracle: Hahaha, young fool. Lets go.
Kmartaru: Go where?
Kmartaru: Bathroom?
Oracle: ...
Kmartaru: Big or small?
Oracle: ...
<skinnyboy> BIG. hahaha
Kmartaru: eeeew-taru. Smelly-welly.
<skinnyboy> I still cant belive this is the one you chose.
*Oracle shrugs*
Kmartaru: ok, lets go-taru!
Kmartaru: To goblin-cage!
<skinnyboy> Garlaige?
Kmartaru: No gob-cage site-o-del!!
*Oracle starts walking to Garlaige Citadel*
Kmartaru: Wait for me-taru!
*Kmartaru runs off*

------------------------ Flashback Over ----------------



Bob: So Kmartaru is the real hero of this story.
Oracle: I'm afraid so.
Joe: Why did you choose him?
Oracle: Dont ask me.
Bob: ok..
Kmartaru: I am new herotaru?
Oracle: I'm afraid so.
Kmartaru: yayzee-wazey!
Oracle: The world is in grave danger guys. <THEMASTER> has almost finished creating the portal between the real world and this world. The only thing he needs left is the ONE RING... TO RULE THEM AAAALLLL.
*Oracle nods knowingly*


We must stop him.

Bahamut: How.
Oracle: Good question. You must bring it to Ifrits Cauldron and drop the ONE RING... TO RULE THEM AAAALLLL.
*Oracle nods knowingly*

Oracle: ... into the Cauldron itself.
Bob: ...
Joe: ...
Bahamut: The what ring?
Oracle: the ONE RING... TO RULE THEM AAAALLLL.
*Oracle nods knowingly*


Oracle: Its actually <THEMASTER>'s wedding ring. When you destroy it, his wife's anger will destroy him. Literally.
*Joe shudders*
*Oracles 1st Word of Wisdom*
When you're a evil vilian, dont have a wife!
*Oracle nods knowingly*

Bob: ...

Kmartaru: So we go to Ifritee's Cafeteria Hot-Pot now?
Bob: Its called a cauldron.
Oracle: And yes, you head off now.
Oracle: Your Party will consist of Bob, Joe and Kmartaru, the Ringboy. You must protect him at all costs.
Bahamut: What about me?
Oracle: You will stay here and rest up. Look at you, you're half dead.
Bahamut: Oh well.
Oracle: Okay, off you go.
Oracle: And remember, the ONE RING... TO RULE THEM AAAALLLL.
*Oracle nods knowingly*


Dont lose it

*Oracle hands Kmartaru the ONE RING... TO RULE THEM AAAALLLL.
*Oracle nods knowingly*


Kmartaru: Okay lets go!
*Kmartaru leaves the scene*
Oracle: Omg! He left the ONE RING... TO RULE THEM AAAALLLL.
*Oracle nods knowingly*

*Kmartaru rushes back in*
Kmartaru: I forgot my ring-taru!
Bob: ...
Joe: ..
Kmartaru: Okay lets go-taru!!







Thus ends Volume 8.